


Change

by usgalsnt



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 09:09:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 37,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5822755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/usgalsnt/pseuds/usgalsnt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Not knowing is the hardest part of life. But not knowing can lead to some of the best times of our life.</p><p>High school AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys this is a test chapter. I decided to go with something that falls along with something I experienced for myself. I would really love it if I can get comments and suggestions on this story. If you guys like this and everything goes well then I'll continue.

The air is stale and closes the tight space of the airplane even further. I’ve never been a fan of tight spaces and with the plane rumbling all around me, I crave the ground more and more with each passing. My hands grip the armrest till my knuckles turn white and my stomach churns with each movement. I’m unable to eat and surviving off the minimal sleep between crying babies and having an aisle seat. I pray that the last hour of this flight passes much faster than the past 13 hours had. 

The fact that I am currently flying over the Atlantic Ocean did not help my nerves at all. But I am going home - well, not really home. It’s just another place where I’ll get settled before I have to leave for college in a few years. I’ve already left what became my home. 

Home was Germany, Wiesbaden to be exact. It is one of the larger Air Force Bases outside Frankfurt. I moved there when I had just started middle school, and after three and a half years, I’m off again following my dad to Patrick Air Force Base in Florida. I knew it was coming, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t upset. I left the five people I had grown close to. I left European soccer, I know being a girl that the soccer was better in the US, but I left behind a legacy. I was able to carry on a 3 year championship streak to a 5 year streak with the best team I have ever had. They were my family. 

Now here I am, starting over. Hopefully, I’ll be able to make new friends and continue playing soccer. I’m not really looking too much at recruiting right now. Being in Europe really removes you from coaches’ radars, and moving around so often doesn’t help either. I’m just trying to be good enough for the high school team - and make friends while I’m at it. I mean, baby steps right? I’m not able to answer my own question because a voice blares over the intercom of the plane, “Attention passengers, this is your captain speaking. We are about to begin our final descent into Orlando International Airport. We ask at this time you return to your seats, fasten seatbelts, return seats and trays to their upright position, and we will be on the ground shortly.” 

I sigh in relief. I prepare myself for landing, then look to my left. I let out a smile at the figure next to me. It’s my brother Kyle. He is sleeping against the window, his mouth is wide open and his face smushed into the neck pillow that separates his face from the cold wall of the plane. I laugh at the sight, and then I move to shake him gently awake. He shoots upright and throws his arms above his head, stretching and letting out an exaggerated groan. 

“Shut up Kyle,” I slap him on the shoulder. “You’ll wake one or all of the three babies around us and we are landing soon so get ready.” I get a quiet groan in response before Kyle readies himself to leave the plane. 

Not even ten minutes later, wheels touch the ground. The intercom lets through the captain’s voice again, “Attention passengers we have arrived at Orlando International Airport, The current time is 12:37 p.m. It is currently a beautiful 96 degrees outside, without a cloud in sight. Thank you again for flying with US Airways.”   
I internally cringe at the weather. Sure, it could get into the high 80s in Germany, but we didn’t have the humidity. Even the summer weather usually fell around 85 degrees. It was perfect, not too hot or cold. But now I was basically thrown into a sauna.

“Heeeeeellloooo Priiincess! Earth to Ali!” Kyle interrupted my thoughts.

I shake my head to completely pull myself back to reality. “Huh? What?” I question. 

Kyle laughs at my daze, “Ummmm, I’m trying to leave this plane. I don’t really know what you’re trying to do baby sis, but I’m gonna need you to move your ass.”

“Fine,” I roll my eyes, “I just need to get my carry on and then we have to wait in the line to get off the plane just like all the other people on this thing.”

“Well,” he huffs, “can you move your ass so that goes a little faster?” 

I just roll my eyes at my brother’s impatience. I love him but 13 hours next to him I was starting to get a little annoyed. I get up from my seat and squeeze into the small aisle space. I reach up to the overhead compartment and unlatch the door, only to have Kyle’s and my own carry on bags fall on top of me. I can hear is Kyle, who is probably doubled over, laughing at my misfortune. All I can think about is how this is such a great start to being in Florida. 

I grunt, pushing the fallen bag off my stomach before standing up. Once I’m on my feet, I simply pick up Kyle’s carry on and throw it at him. He catches the bag with a thud to his stomach. I laugh as his snicker is cut short, and pick up my own bag, heading to the front of the pane before he can catch up.   
It takes one step off the plane to feel like I’m being cooked. At the end of the tunnel, I spot my parents, whose seats were a few rows in front of my brother and me. My father gives me a questioning look when he catches sight of me alone. 

“He’s slow, but he should be coming out riiiight… now.” Just as I had called, Kyle appears from the tunnel. Once in he’s sight, we all turn and make our way to baggage claim. Almost half an hour and six large suitcases later, my family and I are waiting in line at customs. This line takes almost another hour, but we come to another counter at the rental car place. Soon, I am in the back seat of a minivan, my headphones in my ears, on the hour long drive to our new house. 

The new home is decent. We live in a medium sized beach style house, just like all the other houses in the area. There is long concrete driveway that leads to a two car garage. In front of the front door we have a small brick patio that sharply contrasts the pale seafoam green exterior of the house. It has character, something I’m not used too. Usually we are in a cookie-cutter house put up by the military with the same beige exterior and off white interior. The lack of white walls in this house is a happy change too. It seems every room is a different beachy color. My room is a pale pastel pink with the same sandy hardwood floors that are found all around the house, it’s perfect in my opinion, but there is no furniture yet. With the absence of my things, this room still feels foreign. I suppose it’s part of the whole adjustment thing, but right now, I just really want something familiar, something that anchors me in this sea of change.

I catch myself on the verge of being consumed by my thoughts and decide that a run would help me keep the negativity at bay. By the time I get home, whatever take-out my parents find will be here so I’ll have something to eat when I am done. Plus my run will help me sleep better, seeing how I start school the next day. I laugh at the thought; everyone will think I’m crazy, moving across the globe and then going to school the next day, but hey, it’s just another part of being a military kid. With the prospect of a good night’s sleep in my head, I change into my athletic gear and take off down the street. After a couple blocks I make it to a sight haven’t seen - let alone lived near - in nearly a year. It is the beach. The last beach I saw was on little trip to Barcelona that I took with my family. Only this time, it wasn’t crowded with tourist or large men in way too small of speedos; it was quiet with a few surfboards bobbing in the distance. 

I run further down the coast until I reach the halfway point of my 5 mile run. At this point, I decide to take a break on the beach. I take a seat in the sand and watch the light from the sun dance across the water. It’s already around 8 so the sun is starting to begin its descent. The orange, pink, and red hues only add to the beauty of the landscape. I know this is something I’m going to love; if I couldn’t have the German mountains, then at least I have the Florida beaches. 

I continue sitting and staring off into the distance when I feel a presence standing next to me. I shift, slightly uncomfortable but I am met with a soft voice, “Do you mind if I join you?” 

I look up and I am met with a beautiful girl. She has a wide smile on her tanned face that shows off a dimple, her bleach blonde hair is up in a half bun, and she is wearing a wetsuit is unzipped to her hips, showing off not only her bright blue sports bra, but her toned arms and abs. After taking in her appearance, I force a hurried, “Sure.” The mystery girl shrugs off my nervousness and sits next to me in the sand. 

We sit for a few minutes in silence, both of us looking off to the rolling waves that are crashing into the shore. I am too nervous and shy to break the silence, but she isn’t. This is apparent when she clears her throat and sighs, “Beautiful isn’t it?” 

Hearing her speak so easily calms my nerves and I answer back confidently, “Yeah, it really is.” 

“Are you from around here? ‘Cause I’ve never seen you before,” she asks. 

I laugh, “No I’m not. My family and I actually just flew in today. We’re with the Air Force Base.” 

“OOhh, you’re another military kid,” she says with a mock annoyance. 

“Yup, military brats all the way,” I smile brightly. “Well, more like military princess for me. Oh, and by the way, my name is Ali.” 

“Well Princess,” she teases, “it’s nice to meet you. My name is Ashlyn Harris.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the response to the story seems pretty positive so I'm going to continue the story. Just so you guys know, or if you were wondering, I am a military kid. This story is inspired by my experiences, but I have altered them to fit the characters and story line I have planned. Thanks for reading and any suggestions would be helpful.

It’s 6:16 in the morning and I can’t sleep. Well, there would be no point in me going back to sleep seeing as how my alarm is set for 6:30. So I just lay there. My back and shoulders ache from the twin size air mattress that will serve as a bed until our stuff actually makes it to the states. 

I am nervous. I am nervous because I am starting over again. I know that by the time you’re a junior in high school, most people don’t want to make new friends, especially since I’m going to a school in a small area. I’m worried about soccer. I am nervous because I know I might not be good enough; soccer for girls in the US was a completely different monster. 

The first difference came in that everyone actually played soccer; some years, the military high schools would struggle scraping together a team. This changes playing style drastically. I was forced to stick with the basics so the new players could keep pace and learn. Then, there was fitness. I knew I had been training harder than ever over the summer but I knew everyone was more than fit in the states. How was I going to compete? 

My chest tightens at the thought. I can’t breathe, and my muscles go stiff. What if I became one of those girls who looks like they’ve never played a day of soccer? What if I can’t adapt to their playing style? What if the coach can’t see my potential? What if I’m just not good enough? In an effort to calm my impending panic attack, I think back to yesterday, to the calming scene of the beach. The place where I know I have found sanctuary. As my mind wanders, I think back to the blonde I met yesterday. I don’t remember her name but I remember that she made feel calm, just like the beach.

_ “Nice to meet you,” I smiled, “Why did you come and sit with me? You don’t even know me.” _

_ “I just thought you could use the company. I was done strapping my board to my car and just figured why not,” she shrugged like this was a normal thing. _

_ This made me wonder and before I could stop myself I asked, “So you just come up to strangers to talk?” _

_ “I mean if the stranger looks like she’s my age and looks like she could use someone to talk to then yeah I guess you could say it’s a regular thing,” she said, chuckling slightly at the end. It made me wonder if I looked just as helpless as I felt. I felt like I didn’t know how to handle any of this again. I wished I was younger when this happened, it was always easier then. I guessed she could tell I had receded into my own thoughts because she spoke again. “But if you do want someone to talk to, I’m always out here and willing to listen.”  _

The blaring of my alarm clock ends my memory of the previous day. I groan because I know that I actually have to get up and get ready for school. The idea - mixed with knowing I have soccer tryouts after school - is almost enough to keep me in place. I finally manage to lift my body off the air mattress and to a standing position. I grab some clothes and toiletries before I end up in the bathroom to try and start my day. An hour later - and after many protests from my brother - I exit the bathroom in a pair of white shorts, and a light brown tweed tank that fits loosely around my torso. I put on a loosely fitting flannel over my tank, and to finish it off, I pull out a pair of strappy sandals to put on. Once I’m ready, I prepare a bag for soccer and double check the supplies in my backpack. 

I come down stairs to the smell of warm croissants and coffee. It reminds me of home; it smells like the many coffee shops around Germany (yes, there are Starbucks, but the smaller family coffee shops are always a little better). They were always small and cozy, and if you frequented one in particular, the owners probably knew your name and greeted you warmly. “Good morning honey,” my mother embraces me. “I figured this might help today, now hurry outside. Your brother and dad are waiting.” 

I nod with a small smile, grabbing the thermos and chocolate-filled croissant along with my bagged lunch. Then I make my way out to the running minivan and into the back seat, knowing Kyle would be in the front seat with my dad driving. As soon as open the door, I’m met with a, “Fiiinally the princess has graced us with her presence,” from my brother. 

I roll my eyes, “Shut up Kyle, you’re just mad I look better than you.” 

Kyle sticks out his tongue in response and I return the gesture before turning my attention to my phone. I scroll through my social media, knowing that all my friends are halfway done with their day. I see the happenings at school, pictures of my friends happy, the hype already starting for football, and it just makes me more homesick. I should be there, I should be running cross country because soccer is in the spring. I should be going to classes with my friends, and I should be hyping the football game. But I’m not, I’m pulling up to a school where I don’t know anyone, getting ready to try out for a sport that’s in the wrong season, and learning how to deal with new teachers and people. 

The car finally stops in front of Satellite Beach High School. I sigh, knowing that I need to get out and start my day. I move my eyes up from my phone to see that my brother has already left - being the social butterfly that he is - and my dad looks back at me with an encouraging smile. I give him something that resembles a grimace and exit the minivan. I walk through the main entrance of the school and come to a massive central courtyard. Thankfully, all of my classes are in the large building directly across the courtyard. I note how much bigger the school itself is here. In Wiesbaden the school - a combined middle and high school - only came up to about 550 kids at its peak. Now I’m thrown into a high school that has around 1,200 kids. It makes me feel small and insignificant. In Germany, everyone knew everyone and we were like a family but now I’m just one of the many people forced to be in a building with the masses.

Before I start walking to the building that held my classes, someone taps my shoulder. I turn to see the girl I met yesterday. The same tanned skin holds an inviting dimpled smile, but this time her bleach blonde hair is dry and falls around her shoulders. She hasn’t lost her beach vibe, with her fitted black board shorts and a white bro-tank. She even has a black snap back on and all black vans on her feet to complete her look. She’s looking at me expectantly, like she’s waiting for a response to a question. 

“I’m sorry… What did you say?” I all but mumble.

She laughs a little. “Well,  _ Princess _ , I asked if you need help finding any of your classes?” 

“Oh, yeah, sure if you wouldn’t mind,” I respond, suddenly nervous. 

“Awesome,” she smiles, looking at the piece of paper in my hands, “Looks like you have English first and as luck would have it, I do too. So let’s go.” 

I nod and follow. I soon realize that I still don’t remember her name. I chastise myself for being bad with names and begin dreading asking for it. I clear my throat before speaking. 

“I’m really sorry I have to ask this, but what is your name again?” I try to fight back the blush that is creeping onto my cheeks.

She shrugs. “Ashlyn… Ashlyn Harris, but you can just call me Ash if you want. Don’t worry about not remembering, I know you have a lot going on.” 

I sigh in relief, “Well, I heard the nickname you already gave me, but my name is Ali Krieger.”

“Well Ali, here we are,” she motions to the class in front of us. I didn’t even realize that we had walked all the way to class. Shit, I didn’t pay attention to how we got to the class, now I won’t be able to find it tomorrow. Although I don’t say anything to Ash, I hope that maybe she’ll find me tomorrow and walk me to the class again. I walk into the room and take a seat in the middle of the class.To my surprise, Ash takes the seat immediately to my left. We don’t have time to talk about anything else because the bell rings and the teacher starts class. 

That class and the 3 classes following, and probably the rest of the day, are just “getting to know each other” games and going over the syllabus. I don’t have any classes with Ash again until later that afternoon, but thankfully we have the same lunch period. I manage to find my way to the lunch room, and find myself overwhelmed at the large amount of people in the small room. Well, the room wasn’t small, but it feels small when it’s packed with so many people, and continues to get smaller the longer I stay. I turn to leave, but before I make it out the door Ash walks in and immediately sees me. “Hey Ali,” she smiles brightly, “Let’s go sit with some of my friends.” 

“Yeah… uh sure,” I say, trying to suppress my urge to run out of the cafeteria. I follow her to a lunch table in the back corner of the room. It’s quieter in this area, but the table of girls is still filled with conversation. I see one in particular standing and waving her arms animatedly. She has almost the same bleach blonde hair as Ash, but she has it cut short. The rest of the table is intently watching, commenting, and laughing at her story. It looks pretty funny from a distance, and the scene reminds me of my own friends. The space between the table and me quickly closes and the girl who was telling a story is apparently finished because now all eyes are on me and Ash. There weren’t many pairs of eyes, because there are only four people at the table, but the newfound attention makes me nervous.

We stop walking when we we’re close enough for the girls to hear us without shouting. Ash speaks first, “Hey guys, this is Ali Krieger. She’s new.” They all turn their attention towards me and give me some form of a greeting. Through my nerves, all I can do is mumble a response back. Ash takes a seat at the table and motions for me sit across from her. I do and then the questions begin to flood in. 

“So, Ali where are you from? Why haven’t we seen you before? How long have you been here? What is your family like? Do you have any siblings? How did you meet Ash, of all people? Where do you live? Why did you move here? Do you play any sports?” The questions keep coming and I don’t know who’s asking them. I don’t have time to answer one before the next is asked. It’s making me even more anxious and I began to recede into myself. My eyes fall to my hands, and I make my body smaller. It isn’t like I don’t want to make new friends. It’s just overwhelming, especially in the crowded cafeteria.

“GUYS,” I hear someone yell. “I think Ali will be happy to tell us about her, if you guys can stop asking questions and making her nervous.” I look up to see that it was Ash with a stern expression on her face that softens when she turns to me. I give her grateful look as a chorus of “sorry” from the other four girls. 

I clear my throat and take a deep breath, “It’s fine, I know you guys are just curious. Well, you know my name is Ali Krieger. I just moved here from Germany because my dad is in the Air Force. I just arrived back in the states yesterday. I have an older brother named is Kyle. I met Ash on the beach yesterday. I play soccer.” All of their faces, even Ash, are surprised about my moving situation but all of their eyes light up when I said I play soccer. 

The girl with the short blonde hair speaks first, “Well, it’s nice to meet you Ali. I’m Megan Rapinoe, but people call me Pinoe. And you’re among soccer players here. I’m a winger.” 

Then the dark skinned girl next to her it the next to talk. “Yup, you’re basically with the soccer girls for this lunch period. I’m Sydney Leroux, or Syd.” 

“Yeah and I’m Tobin Heath or Tobes,” the tanned girl with a big smile across from Pinoe announces.

“And I’m HAO or Heather,” the last girl speaks from next to Tobin. 

“HAO?” I question. 

Ash answers, “It’s her initials: Heather Ann O’Riley.” 

I nod in understanding but then I am met with the inevitable question. “So, what was Germany like?” Tobin asks. 

I smile at all the memories that flood back. “Honestly,” I say dreamily, “I love it there. It really became one of the first places I consider home. I met my best friends there and made a lot of unforgettable memories. The country is beautiful too. I lived in a small city outside of Frankfurt, but it was awesome, and there was so much culture to experience. I mean, even now I know I wasn’t able to see everything.” 

“Wow that sounds really cool,” Tobin says simply.  

Evidently we don’t have time for anymore conversation, as the bell rings and we are all off to our respective classes. The next two periods pass uneventfully. In my last period, I have Ashlyn again. I’m thankful because I guess you could say we are friends, and I don’t know anything about the soccer team here. We sit next to each other in this class as well, but we don’t have any time to talk because of the first day math game the teacher has us tasked with. Soon the class has come to a close, and so does my first day of school. I’m relieved, but my nerves and anxiety reappear with the prospect of soccer tryouts, the next thing on the agenda. I grab my things and turn to Ash who has that staple dimples smile on her face. She sounds excited when she turns to me and asks, “You ready for soccer?” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new one for you guys. And I would like to thank @milly-vanilly for editing and helping me tell my story.

I manage to claim a locker in the corner of the locker room filled with around 30 girls. The room is stuffy and bears the telltale odor of sweaty shin guards and cleats. Nobody minds - they are all more focused on the music blasting from Syd’s speakers. Most of the girls are gravitating towards the center of the room, caught up in dancing and the excitement of the new season. I hang back, content to change into my training gear in the corner. When I’m done, I take a seat on the bench to put on my cleats. I haven’t worn these cleats since my last Championship game in Germany. Before I could contain myself my head is overtaken by the memory.

_ “YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE AND HUG ME GOD DAMMIT!” My partner center back, Kylie, yells. I fly into her embrace, wrapping my arms around her neck and legs around her waist. _

_ “WE FUCKING DID IT!” I yell back. And we had. We had just won our 5 _ _ th _ _ consecutive DoDDs European Championship. It was a crazy year. I had made the position change from center mid to center back and in the final game it was my job to try and keep pace with the top striker in Europe. Hell, she is on track to play for VMI next year and I just stopped her scoring streak. I, a little sophomore, just made a name for myself as a defender and I can’t believe it. _

_ Kylie soon releases me from her death grip and I take off in the direction of my best friend. The irony is apparent to both of us - that the striker and defender are inseparable - but that doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is that we continued the streak. “TYLER WE FUCKING WON!” I yell into her shoulder as we embrace. _

_ “All thanks to you,” she says. I look up to see nothing but admiration in her eyes. _

_ I smile wide, causing the bridge of my nose to crinkle. I give her a small peck on the cheek and then run to go celebrate with more teammates and coaches. I receive congratulations for all my hard work and how well I played, but through it all my eyes manage to drift back to my best friend. Her hand is still pressed to the cheek I kissed and she has the biggest smile on her face. I break into another nose-crinkling grin, happy to share this experience with her a second time, knowing that we both leave Germany this summer. _

I’m torn away from the happy memory by someone yelling that we have five minutes before tryouts start. I wipe a few stray tears that had escaped from my eyes and try to compose myself. I manage to slip on my worn cleats without spilling any more tears and soon 30 girls are trying to fit through the double doors that lead to the fields. I find myself at the end of the mass of people.

“Do you think they know they  _ all _ can’t fit through those doors?” I hear someone laugh. I turn to see Ash. Despite the warm weather, she’s wearing a black long-sleeve training shirt with longer athletic shorts, and her socks are pulled above her knees. To my surprise, we have the same cleats, and hers look just as worn as mine.

“They’ll figure it out eventually,” I smile, but it falters. I’m still trying to recover from remembering something I will never experience again.

Ash’s eyebrows knit together in worry and confusion. “Hey Ali, are you okay?”

“Uh…” I sniff. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just missing some things is all.” My eyes fall to the floor, slightly embarrassed. But I am thankful that Ash cares.

“Well I’m here for you,” she says confidently.

“Thanks,” I mumble. Then I make my way through the now empty double doors and onto the field.

The girls are all huddled on the sideline, probably around the coach. I’m in the back of this group too, only this time I wish I was closer to the front. Even being 5’ 6”, I can’t see or hear the coach and I don’t want to draw attention to myself by pushing my way to the front. Instead, I sit back and wait, hoping I’ll be able to just follow along with what the other girls are doing. I notice Ash is still at my side, I don’t think she ever left. For the first time I notice a pair of gloves poking out from the back of her shorts. Apparently she’s a goalkeeper - which explains she’s in a long-sleeve shirt even though it’s blazing outside.

“I know you probably can’t hear,” she whispers, “Coach is gonna have us break up into groups by position and run the beep test.”

I let out a quiet groan, knowing that the beep test is long and boring. I’m not fond of running just to run. And yes, this is to test fitness, but I just want to get to the field. I want to do something familiar. I just want to play soccer.

“Yeah, I know it sucks. But let’s see what Germany taught you,” Ash whispers challengingly.

This just fires me up. I know that people will be expecting something special just because I was out of the country. They don’t understand that I’m trying to play catch up, that playing in DoDDs is like playing a step behind the entire time. There are a few players who become and stay fantastic, and even get scouted, but those were the rare few. There is even an ODP branch in Germany, but only one or two players have been called up to a national team camp - and even those were be cut shortly after. Now was the time I had to prove myself and it all starts with the beep test.

I crush the beep test. I am the last defender standing and I am even able to outrun some of the midfielders. This just boosts my confidence. After a short water break, we move into basic ball handling skills. I can tell this is where my game is lacking as soon as we start. Many of the other girls, like Tobin or Pinoe, have a confidence with the ball that just doesn’t come naturally to me. I still manage to keep some kind of pace, finishing the drills around the middle of the pack. I fare better with the passing drills. This is what I’m used to, the simple one or two touch passing patterns that opens up defenses and allowed for runs. I am not used to taking on players and having to beat them with skill because they can actually keep up with my speed.

The first day of tryouts ends with two 8v8 scrimmages. I’m relieved to have Ash as my goalie, and I also have Tobin and Syd. There is the rest of the team, but I can’t remember most of their names. Throughout the whole scrimmage I’m making runs up from the back, but also making sure to defend. I am in my element, and it helps that Ash is a dependable goalie who knows how to direct. Tobin and this other brown haired girl with blue eyes make up for most of our goals against the other teams. I am happy that I had performed well; I just have to hope the coach thinks the same.

Back in the locker room, I find myself in my little corner again. I am drenched in sweat. I peel off my cleats, socks, and shin guards and put on a pair of mid-calves and my running shoes. I stand to pull of my shirt, but soon realize that I had neglected to bring an extra. I shrug it off, knowing that it would be a fight to put on another shirt. As I pack up my things I hear Ash’s voice again, “Hey Ali.”

“Yeah?” I question back while turning around. Ash is standing behind me. She had changed back into what she wore for school. I realize she is staring with her mouth slightly agape. I feel her eyes rake over my torso. I suddenly become bashful at the new found attention. “Hey, uh… Ash. What do you need?” I ask her, and effectively pull her from her trance.

“Oh, I’m… Uh sorry,” She responds with reddening cheeks. “I just wanted to know if you wanted to get dinner with me and some of the other girls.”

“Yeah, sure,” I agree with barely restrained excitement. But then I remember that I don’t exactly have another shirt to wear, so I decide to ask. “But, I uh forgot an extra shirt. Do you know if anyone has one I can borrow?”

Ash just laughs and reaches into her bag. “Here I have one,” she shrugs. “Now, let’s go.”

I take the white shirt from her and throw it over my head. It’s about a size too big and a cut-off. On the front there’s a shark and surfboard graphic. I let out a small laugh and decide to tease Ash later about being a complete surfer girl. I pull out my phone and send a quick text to my dad, telling him that I’m getting dinner with new friends and walk over to Ash, who’s standing with a few other girls. It’s mostly the same group from lunch today, plus the blue eyed girl and another girl with freckles that cover her face.

The space between me and the group of girls closes. Ash’s eyes meet mine and she smiles, “You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” I respond meeting her smile. “Oh, and this if you didn’t know these two are Alex and Kelley,” she gestures to the nameless girls.

We exchange greetings then make our way to the student parking lot. The group of girls breaks apart piece by piece, with small groups going to their respective cars. Soon, it’s just me and Ash. There are still a few cars in the section of the parking lot that we are walking to. I can’t tell which car is hers. The old Hyundai’s and Toyoda’s don’t seem to match Ash’s personality. Out of curiosity - and in an effort to break the slightly awkward silence-  I ask, “Sooo… Which is yours?”

“This old thing is,” she gestures as we walk past a minivan. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that next to the minivan sits an older Jeep Wrangler. It’s a two door, with the soft top rolled down on account of the warm weather. The dark blue exterior is muddied like she just went off-roading and she has her surfboard strapped to the roof. “What’d ya think?” Ash asks with a goofy dimpled smile.

“I think that this fits,” I answer with a smirk.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she questions feigning offense.

“It means that you and your car fit the surfer girl personality to a tee.” I tease.

Ash just chuckles. “I guess you’re right… Now get in and let’s go, I don’t want to get stuck at the end of the table.”

We end up at a place called Da Kine Diego, apparently a local favorite. We walk into a little blue shack that is covered in surfboard stickers and wait in line to order. I notice the stickers continue on the small fridge next to the ordering window. Below the window is painted with waves and flowers. Above it, there are three words painted in blue “Love. Surf. Eat.” I think it’s charming, and the food definitely smells good too. I don’t even notice that Ash is at the window ordering.

“Hey, what should I get?” I say, looking over the menu.

“I already ordered for you,” Ash shrugs.

“But I didn’t even give you money and you don’t know what I like to eat,” I protest.

She dismisses my complaints, “Trust me, you’ll love the food, and don’t worry about the money. You can pay me back some other time.”

It doesn’t take long for Ash’s name to be called by the window. She walks back to me with two sandwiches in paper baskets, handing me one. Then we turn to find the rest of the soccer girls, knowing that we’re the last to arrive and - despite Ash driving a little too fast on the ride here - are stuck at the end of the table.  

“Why are you being so nice to me? You barely know me,” I wonder out loud.

“I know you need a friend, I know what it’s like to feel isolated, and I know that it sucks. I don’t think people should have to suffer. I mean we all struggle, why not figure it out together?” Ash answers casually, like it’s something she’s gone over in her head a million times.

“Thanks,” is all I can manage to mumble out. Not knowing how to take the weight of her omission, I busy myself with my food. Everyone else is engaged in conversation and laughing, while I sit back. I answer questions when they are asked, but I don’t really engage any further. Once all the food has disappeared, everyone says their goodbyes, and drives away in their respective cars. I find myself in Ash’s passenger seat again, only talking to tell her where my house is. Other than that, I’m quiet and content with the radio filling the silence. After a few songs pass we pull up to my house. I jump out of the car and grab my stuff.

“Thanks again for dinner… and the ride,” I say shyly.

Ash just throws her dimpled grin in my direction, “Don’t mention it.” But then her words become slightly more serious. “And, don’t forget I’m here if you need me. “

I nod in response and wave as she drives away. Later that night, I lay in my bed, annoyed by what Ash said earlier today. What does she know about being isolated? Or alone? I mean, she’s been in the same place all her life and she has the soccer girls to rely on. She has no idea what I’m going through or how I am struggling. How I have lost just about everything I know. How everyone I love is practically on the other side of the world. How it’s unlikely that I’ll ever see them again. How I don’t have any one place that feels like home. How I’ve grown sick of constantly adapting. How I don’t want to get attached because I’m always leaving. How I’m lost. She’s trying to be there for me - and I appreciate the effort - but I know she doesn’t understand. Barely anyone does.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? Please just tell me what you think.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this may seem slow, but opening up takes time.

I groan at the sound of my alarm and roll over in bed to quickly silence it. I’m happy I slept soundly through the night but my muscles ache. I was already sore from sleeping on the undersized air mattress and tryouts further strain my muscles. I sigh, knowing that if I don’t get up soon Kyle will probably be throwing himself onto me and popping my bed. I drag myself to the bathroom.

An hour later, I emerge clad in ripped mid waist shorts and a fitted white button up with sleeves rolled up to my elbows. I let my hair fall naturally around my shoulders and lace up my white converse.

After grabbing my soccer and school bag, I make my way downstairs. I’m slightly disappointed that there are no croissants but I’m met with a thermos full of coffee and a bagel. I yell a thank you to my mom as I head to the door.

Outside, I notice a familiar jeep parked in front of my house. It’s Ashlyn. She’s leaning against the passenger door, busying herself with her phone. She’s wearing a tank and board shorts, but this time they’re white with a black Hawaiian flower pattern. Her tank is all white with the words “Sea you later” printed across the front. I laugh to myself, less at the stupid pun and more at how well it fits Ash’s personality. She finishes the outfit with royal blue vans, a matching snapback, and a pair of dark sunglasses.

“What are you doing here?” I call out.

“Thought you could use a ride to school,” Ash shouts back with a smile. “And don’t worry, you’ll get a ride home.”

“I guess I don’t really have a choice, since my brother and dad decided to leave,” I say back. I’m slightly annoyed that I didn’t have any say in the decision, but I know it’s just because my dad wants me to make friends.

“Awesome, let’s go,” she makes her way to the driver’s seat.

Once I’m in the car we take off. Ash turns up the radio. Bubba Sparxxx “Miss New Booty”  is blasting from the speakers and she rapping the first verse perfectly. I can’t contain myself and burst out in laughter, which just encourages Ash. I know all the words too but I’m too busy laughing to even attempt rapping. Soon, Ash can’t hold back a fit of giggles and turns down the radio.

“So surfer, soccer player, and rapper. What’s next?” I tease.

“I’m thinking of pursuing modeling,” Ash jokes. “But seriously, you should come to the beach bonfire tomorrow,” She adds.

“What’s it for?” I ask.

“It’s kinda a tradition thing here. We always hold a beach bonfire on the first Friday back at school as a way to like end the summer. Just about the whole school goes. It’s just a big party, and we all kinda camp out on the beach,” Ash explains.

“Ehh… I don’t know. I don’t really party and I don’t really know anyone,” I sigh.

“That doesn’t matter, the whole soccer team will be there and you’ll have me,” Ash says earnestly.

“Yeah I guess.” I mumble, still not taking to the idea of a party with hundreds of strangers or staying on the beach overnight.

“Come oonnnn,” Ash whines. “You can even sleep in the back of a truck I’m borrowing.”

“Well now that you offer the hard bed of a truck,” I say sarcastically.

“Hey! There will be blankets,” Ash protests. “But really, I’ll have an air mattress, blankets and pillows. Plus the party is realllly fun.”

I roll my eyes trying to hide my newfound excitement. “Sureee.”

“It’ll be great” Ash says as her dimpled grin grows.

With that, we pull into the student parking lot. Ash leads me to English again, and this time I actually pay attention. The teacher, just like the rest of the school, isn’t actually starting curriculum until Monday. They know the Friday bonfire will likely last the whole week end and no one would get any work done. I’m thankful for it, but my morning classes are just given time to get to know each other. This leads to small groups of friends joining and me trying to busy myself on my phone. Thankfully lunch finally rolls around and I actually have people to talk to.

“So, where have you lived?” Tobin asks.

“I was born in Virginia Beach, then Hawaii, then San Diego, then Germany, and now here,” I recite. I know that I’m getting wide eyes from the other girl, but it honestly doesn’t surprise me anymore. (Although, it is fun to watch the reactions.) I already know what’s going to come next so I ask, “Which place do you want to hear about first?”

“Hawaii!” everyone at the table yells.

“I moved there when I was 6, so I wasn’t able to really appreciate it. From what I remember, the beaches were the nicest. I never really got into surfing, but I did boogie board a lot. I started playing soccer there. My favorite things to eat were these doughnut things called malasadas. Ummm… Oh! And one time I saw a whale,” I say, quickly running through the mental cliff notes of my time in Hawaii.

“Dude that’s freaking awesome,” Tobin responds with excitement.

“What about San Diego?” Syd pipes up.

Before I can start my story the lunch bell rings, and we are all off to our respective classes. Again, I’m forced to busy myself with my phone. I know I should be trying to make friends but something is holding me back. Just thinking of approaching a group of people makes my chest tighten, so I just sit back. Maybe one of the groups will take pity and talk to me, but I’m not counting on it.

At least in my last class I know Ashlyn. Just like in our first period, she sits right next to me. It doesn’t take long for our history class to turn into more mindless chatter. I’m grateful that Ash doesn’t abandon me for one of the small groups scattered around the room, but I feel a pang of guilt. I know she would probably enjoy talking to her friends and hope she doesn’t feel obligated to stay with me because I don’t know anyone else.

I sigh at the thought, “You know you don’t have to stay with me. You can go talk to other people.”

“I know but I don’t want to,” Ash shrugs.

“Why not?” I ask, knowing the answer is because I’m new.

“Cause I already know everything about everyone else. They’re boring, but you’re interesting,” she says simply.

I roll my eyes, “You only think that ‘cause I’m new.”

“Yeah,” she answers. “And you’ve lived like around the world. And you have a story to tell. And, like I said before, you look like you need a friend.”

“Well maybe I don’t want a friend,” I mumble for the first time aloud.

“Why?” She questions.

“Why…?” I answer back, confused.

“Why don’t you want to make new friends?” She clarifies.

“Because making friends is hard and getting attached sucks,” I confess. “I don’t want to love this place and leave just like every other place I’ve lived. I don’t want to go through another round of goodbyes when college comes around. Even the ones who say ‘see you later’ never make an effort to stay in my life. So, I guess I just don’t see the point in trying when I have to start over again.”

Ash laughs lightly, “But it doesn’t have to be that way. What if you’ve already met someone who is willing to make an effort? Who is already making an effort to be there, and all you have to do is let them in?”

I don’t answer. I’m sucked into my own head. What if Ash is right? Maybe I should open up. But there’s still that nagging doubt in the back of my mind. She says she’s here for me but I can’t be sure. I don’t want this to be another goodbye. I want to become attached. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to be left. I don’t want to make another friend just to watch them continue their life,, unfazed by my absence, like I didn’t mean anything to them.  I don’t want to be the one trying to salvage a sinking ship, only to realize that there was nothing to save in the first place.

The bell rings and ends my impending panic attack. Ash is already in the hallway by the time I gather my things. I jog to catch up and we fall into step. We walk to the locker room in silence. Ash is probably waiting for me to speak first but I can’t bring myself to say anything. I’m afraid, but I’m not going to admit that.     

In the locker room, I’m back in my corner. Just like the day before the room is filled with girls and music, but you can tell everyone is tired. No one is dancing, and even the people who just sang along are quieter. The lack of excitement doesn’t really bother me. I change into my training gear and mentally prepare myself for another taxing tryout - and the subsequent ride home with Ashlyn.

Outside, Coach tells us that the rosters will be posted Monday. 

We go into the 20 yard agility run. I do well in both trials, and end up finishing in 7 th place. Once everyone runs the test, we move into 1v1 play. I excel on defense - as I expected - but struggle at times on the attack. I know I have to become more comfortable with the ball at my feet. The rest of practice is spent playing small-sided possession games and, later on, larger 8v8 games like the day before.

I end up on Ash’s team again, along with Pinoe, Kelley, and Alex. The pace of the game is slowed because most girls are running on tired legs. At times, I feel like I’m covering half the field. Even some of the fitter girls - like Kelley - are having trouble keeping up with my pace. It feels great. I know that if everyone was fit, I might not be able to keep up, but now they are all chasing after me. In the last few minutes of the scrimmage, Ash plays a ball up the field to Alex, who sends the it out wide to Kelley. I see my opening; no one is covering the far post. The only thing I can hope for now is that Kelley sees the same thing I do. She does. The cross goes in. The next thing I know, the ball hits my head and almost rips through the back of the net. The opposing keeper doesn’t stand a chance. I just scored the only goal of the game and won it for my team. I receive congratulations from the coaches on my play, and I could not be happier.

Back inside the locker room, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. I change back into my running shoes and discard my sweat soaked shirt, but with the heat I decide I’d rather not wear my extra shirt. I gather my things and I look around the locker room for Ash. She’s at the opposite end of the room, already changed. But she’s facing her locker packing her things.

“You ready?” I ask cheerfully, walking up to her.  

“Yeah, just finished putting my stuff away,” Ash says as she turns around. Her gaze drops to my torso and her moth falls agape. er eyes turn from their bright hazel, to almost a chestnut brown filled with something -  _ desire? _ I feel them rake over me, and I become bashful again.

I clear my throat, a blush rising to my cheeks. “Uh, well… let’s go.”

It’s enough to snap Ash from her trance and she follows me out of the locker room. The whole way to her car, I walk a few steps ahead of her, and she doesn’t make any attempt to catch up. It’s not until we’re both in her jeep that we actually have to face each other again. It’s more awkward than it should be - I mean, it’s not like I don’t know she’s gay. Ash still won’t look at me, embarrassed by her overt staring.

“Hey,” I smile, catching her attention. “It’s okay, I mean it’s not everyday you see a body like mine,” I joke, trying to lighten the mood.

I see Ash relax, and a smirk finds its way to her mouth.  “I mean you’re okay, but I’ve seen better,” she teases.

“I highly doubt that,” I counter. “Now can you please take me home?”

“No.” Ash flashes a mischievous smile before starting the car.

“What do you mean,  _ no _ ? You said you’d take me home.”

“Eventually,” she shrugs noncommittally. She pulls out of the parking lot and starts in the direction of my house.

“Well, where are we going then?” I ask, feigning annoyance.

“You’ll see,” she smiles.

Knowing I probably won’t get any answers out of her, I don’t push it. Not that Ash would have heard me, because she turns up the radio and starts rapping again. This time I laugh at her rendition of Chamillionare’s “Ridin”. I almost think she exaggerates her singing a little more just to get me to laugh. I don’t mind. In fact, I welcome it. It’s fun and takes my mind off of everything. In its own way, laughing at Ash is relaxing.

Ten minutes later, Ash pulls into Hightower Beach. It’s close the place where we met. Ash gets out of her jeep and starts walking towards the wooden path. She doesn’t turn, just shouts over her shoulder. “You coming?”   

I don’t answer but I catch up.  We walk down the path, passing small bungalows surrounded by tropical plants. The trail gives way to the beach and we take a seat in the warm sand. It’s only about six, so the sun isn’t setting but it’s low enough that it burns a deep orange into the bright blue sky. It’s beautiful, with the light dancing across the water, the waves crashing rhythmically against the shore.  I feel calmer just sitting here and I’m glad Ash decided to bring me.

“Thanks,” I breathe out.

“Told you I’ve seen better,” Ash jokes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? Thanks for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while, life happens.

_ “Told you I’ve seen better,” Ash jokes. _

_ “Well if I’m being compared to this… then I’ll take second place,” I gesture to the ocean. _

_ “What makes you think you got second place?” Ash quirks her eyebrow at me. _

_ “Just using my intuition,” I laugh. “Why’d you bring me here?” I lean my head against her shoulder. _

_ “You looked like you needed to relax. This is one of the places I go.” She says.   _

_ “Well… thank you, again. I do need to de-stress. It’s been a lot the past few days,” I tell her. _

_ “Tell me about it,” she says seriously. _

_ I sigh, aware that I owe Ash some kind of explanation. “It’s just hard restarting again, knowing that college is right around the corner. Knowing that I’m going to start over again… I guess I’m just trying to make it easier for myself when I leave… The less connections, the less it will hurt when I leave.” _

_ “But what are you gonna do in the meantime? Just go day-by-day alone?” _

_ “That was the plan.” _

_ “Well… that’s a pretty shitty way to live.” _

_ “I’ve basically lived that way for past sixteen years, what’s another two?” I try to joke but it falls flat. _

_ Ash turns so she’s looking into my eyes. “You don’t have to live like that anymore.” _

“ALEX WAKE UP!” My brother yells, banging on my door. As annoying as it may be, it’s effective at waking me up and ending my dream (though it’s more like a memory).

“I’M UP KYLE!” I yell back. I click my phone on and  groan at the screen as it shows me I woke up half an hour late. I rush off my bed and into the bathroom, grabbing a clean pair of athletic shorts and a cutoff. 

By some miracle, I make it out the door on time with all of my school and soccer stuff. 

Outside Ash is waiting, just like the day before. It’s no surprise; she’s in another pair of dark, fitted shorts paired with a black t-shirt and her signature snapback. I smile at her, the memory of last night making me feel lighter than I have in a long time. I opened up to her and she’s still here. She’s not about to leave me like everyone else did. Ash is better.

“Nice shirt,” she smirks.

I look down and realize I’m wearing shirt she gave me on the first day of school. “Yeah, I hope you didn’t expect this back anytime soon,” I laugh, trying to play it off.

“Nah, keep it,” she shrugs. “Now let’s go before we’re late.”     

The ride to school is more embellished rapping and singing. I even join her every few songs, when I can control my laughter. I could get used to this. Ash’s exuberance is contagious, and it seems to be never ending. It’s good to have this positive energy. It distracts me from everything going on, and it even makes me think I could like Florida. 

Ash parks in the school parking lot and we walk to English together. I know this day is basically another wasted day inside a building, with teachers who refuse to start lessons until after the bonfire. There is more of a buzz around the school with the bonfire. It enough to get me excited. I’d gone to parties and clubs in Germany, but I’ve had never been to a beach bonfire. I’m looking forward to letting loose for the night, to not feel the stress that I’ve been carrying since I got here. 

English and my other classes pass quickly, and soon lunch gives me people to talk to. Before I even get to the table I know the questions that are going to be asked. “Yes, I’m going to the bonfire. And what place do you guys want to hear about today?”

“Awesome! And San Diego.” Tobin says, while the other girls nod in agreement.

“Okay, well I moved there in third grade. I kept playing soccer. I loved all the different food and cultures. I was able to go to all the amusement parks that were there, my favorite was Six Flags. We never really went to the beaches there, I’m not really sure why. The most memorable part of my time was the end of sixth grade. We had camp, went to the water park, had a teachers against students softball game, and then we got promoted. Then I left halfway through seventh grade.” I rattle off, remembering much more of this part of my life than others. “Now tell me about the bonfire.”

HAO speaks up first, “That sounds awesome Ali. And the bonfire is just a bunch of people hanging out on the beach. Everyone usually breaks up into smaller groups around personal bonfires, but there is a massive one in the center of the beach. That’s the one the seniors set up.”

“There’s pick up soccer, volleyball, and usually a ton of people surfing,” Tobin adds.

“Don’t forget about all the guitarist, including myself, who bring a little life to the fires,” Pinoe continues.

“And let’s not forget the best part… BOOZE BITCHES!” Syd yells just a little too loudly, drawing weird looks from the surrounding tables. “Oh, and there’s food too.”

“Then, my favorite part, we all spend the night there. Most people pass out from all the booze but some of us are able to enjoy the stars and the sound of the waves.” Ash finishes.

“Okay but the booze is fun,” Syd counters.

“That all sounds great. We did stuff like that in Germany. Except there were no beaches and we weren't allowed to set fires, so we would take one of the pavilions on base and have a cookout. We did it where the guys would bring like stuff to grill and girls would bring side dishes. We couldn't have alcohol though, you had to be 21 on base to drink. But people did bring their guitars and we played pick up volleyball and soccer. We also weren't allowed to sleep outside and so everyone would leave around 11, ‘cause that's base curfew. We just had fun being around each other, I mean if we were gonna be bored then we might as well have been bored together.” I smile at all the memories.

“Okay that sounds like fun, but there was no booze,” Syd jokes. 

“Oh, believe me. We partied. We were just able to do it at clubs,” I boast. 

“No fucking way,” Pinoe laughs. 

“It's true.” I shrug, “We had a few German kids who went to school on base, and they got us in. And if you could see over the counter at the bar then you could get drinks.” 

“And let me guess, Princess never had to pay for her own drinks,” Ash teases. 

“You'd be right about that,” I laugh. “Tall blonde German boys couldn't resist me, and it helped that I knew German.” 

The rest of lunch is filled with more questions about Germany, especially German clubs. It's bittersweet just bringing up these memories. Granted, my memory of actual events is foggy from the alcohol but I remember the emotions. I remember how happy I felt just being around people who cared. People who you grow extremely close to in a short period of time because there is really no one else. Who you'd be happy just sitting in a room with, because being bored together is always better than staying at home. I mean, over the course of one school year I made and left who I consider my best friend. 

The rest of my classes go by quickly. In my last period, Ash and I make small talk. I learn that she has a brother who just left for college and She lives with her grandmother. She doesn't say anything about her parents, and I don't ask. I tell her how most of my family is in Virginia, and that my dad is an Engineer for the Air Force. When the bell rings, we walk to the locker rooms. I’m hopping that today is an easier tryout, seeing as it's the last day. 

I’m are wrong. Tryouts are filled with more fitness tests. I excel, being one of the few who still has working legs. Afterwards, we do more work on basic trapping and passing. It’s mostly to see how disciplined we are with our touches, to see who still has that little extra, and doesn't become lazy. The same principles come into play when we scrimmage. You can tell players are tired, most are making bad touches and passes, or not getting back on defense. This is when I shine. I'm tired but I don’t let it affect my play. Just like the day before, I cover large spans of the field, sneaking in another goal as tryouts draw to a close

In the locker room Ash tells me the coaches would be stupid to cut me. I shrug, trying not to get my hopes up. We walk to Ash’s jeep and she takes me home, telling me she'll be back in half an hour, and that I'd better be ready. I laugh at that and joke how a Princess is ready when she's ready. 

Half an hour turns into an hour. I come outside in a pair of tribal dolphin shorts with a loose black crop top that covers my candy pink bikini. There’s an overnight bag slung over my shoulder, filled with extra layers for when it gets colder. Ash is already here. This time she’s driving the white truck that we’ll be sleeping in tonight. I’m surprised by her bright floral board shorts and the airy white button up that barely shows her bright blue sports bra.  

“You look amazing,” Ash breathes out, adjusting her ever-present snapback as she looks me over. 

“Thanks,” I smile. “You look great too, wasn’t expecting so much color.” 

“Hey gotta end summer big,” she shrugs.

“That’s right… so let’s get this party started,” I clamber into the passenger seat.

Ash laughs and joins me in the truck. She turns on her stereo and blasts “Ai Se Eu Te Pego” by Michel Teló from the speakers. I’m amazed Ash even knows this song. I only know it because it became popular one summer in Germany and all over Europe. It floods me with happy memories from that summer: days where my best friends and I would spend all day at the pool, evening cookouts, nights spent in a club, listening to this same song. I know all the words and, surprisingly, so does Ash.

“How do you even know this song?” I shout over the music.

“My brother and I used to surf with some Brazilian kids and they showed us some music,” she laughs. “How do you know it?”

“From Germany, it was popular in the clubs one summer,” I explain.

“Well Princess, let’s make some Florida summer memories,” she smiles. The rest of the car ride is more of us singing along to Ash’s summer playlist.

At Cocoa Beach there are cars and high school students everywhere. Ash drives onto the sand and I see the senior’s massive bonfire. We drive to the left for about 25 yards and park next to the other soccer girls and boys. They already have their own smaller bonfire going and it looks like the alcohol is flowing too.

“ASHLYN HARRIS!” A tipsy Syd yells. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?”

“I had to wait on this Princess,” she gestures to me. 

I roll my eyes and follow her to the fire. There's music blasting from speaker while Pinoe and HAO play pick up with some of the boys. Out in the distance, I see at least fifty people on surfboards. I can only assume Tobin and Kelley are out there too. Coolers of beer and various other liquors are scattered around along with food. It really does remind me of the cookouts in Germany.

Not even two minutes later, Ash has discarded her white button up and is running out to the ocean with her surfboard. I laugh at the sight, taking a seat by the fire next to Alex.

“Hey Ali! Awesome you could make it,” Alex smiles brightly.

“Yeah, I'm happy to be here,” I reply.

Next thing I know someone takes a seat next to me. “Ali! Drink bitch!” Syd screams as she hands me some jungle juice.

I laugh and down the solo cup. I can’t tell exactly what it in it, but it’s strong. I let out a grunt as the liquor burns my throat. I immediately feel a buzz setting in, I’ve always been able to hold my own but it’s been a while since I last drank. I feel heat radiating through my body and making its way to my cheeks.

“Damn Ali,” I hear a group of people say in unison.

I open my eyes and see Alex, Syd, HAO, Pinoe, and some other people around the fire staring at me with wide eyes. I look up and ask, “Are we gonna party or what?”

Everyone bursts out cheering. The next thing I know shots, probably tequila, are being passed around. I think I’ve drank 3 or was it 4? It doesn’t matter, what does matter is that I feel good. The stress is gone and thankful for the relief. Everyone else seems to be enjoying it too. I’m pretty sure that Syd and Pinoe emptied a bottle of something clear by themselves. HAO and Alex have had at least one shot, but are nursing their cups of jungle juice. Not too long after, Ash, Tobin, and Kelley had come back from surfing. Each is greeted with a shot and a solo cup.

At some point the sun sets and, with alcohol flowing through everyone, we all decide to turn up the speakers and dance. I dance with a few soccer boys but I never stay in one place too long. Don’t get me wrong, some of them are really attractive, but I don’t want anything. I actually find my body temperature climbing as I keep dancing. I need to cool off. I move through the crowd and finally find the person I had been looking for, Ash. She’s hanging back, closer to the fire. I make my way to the blonde.

“Come with me,” I whisper in her ear as I grab her wrist. She doesn’t resist and allows me to lead her towards the water. 

I bring her just before the area where the waves reach their highest point on the sand. I sit on a dry spot and pull Ash down next to me. The water washes over our feet. I just stare out, with my head resting on her shoulder, to where the ocean and sky are undefined, just listening to the movement of the waves. Maybe this could be home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions?


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, I'm just really bad at planning anything.

_ Maybe this could be home. _

We sit in silence for a while. I can still hear everyone else laughing, drinking, and singing by the fire. But I’m content with the calm of the ocean and Ash. Even now with the cold ocean breeze, she radiates heat. I’m grateful when Ash shifts her arm around my shoulders and pulls me closer, even though she smells like saltwater and sunblock.

“ASH! ALI!” I hear someone yell. “Come back to the party!”

I feel her eyes fall to me, “You wanna go back?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” I smile.

Ash is the first to stand. I sit in the sand and stick out both of my arms, gesturing for her to help me up.  She rolls her eyes at me before grabbing my hands.

Ash pulls me to my feet with a grunt, “Damn Princess.”

“Hey!” I yell in mock offense, punching her lightly on the arm.

“I’m just kidding… or am I?” she winks.

I pout at her and that just makes her laugh. Hard enough that she doesn’t even notice when I start walking to the fire. Behind me, I hear the shifting of sand, and sure enough Ash is at my side. She throws her arm over my shoulders and pulls me into her again. I lean into her embrace. A few yards from the fire, Ash says something about drinks and takes off.  

At the fire everyone is still dancing and drinking. I stay at the edge of the group. The cold ocean water and air have left me sober, and I’m not sure if I really want to dance again. 

Soon enough, Ash finds me. She hands me a shot and I down it as soon as it hits my hand. The warmth returns to my cheeks and I feel the buzz setting back in. I’m also given another cup of jungle juice, and half of that is gone in a matter of seconds.

“Damn Princess,” Ash laughs.

“You learn a thing or two when you basically spend a summer in clubs with free drinks,” I reply.

“How many drinks do you think you got each night?”

“As many as I wanted.”

“So a lot,” Ash laughs. “All boys desperate for your attention?”

“I mean there were a couple girls...”

Ash raises her eyebrow at me. “How did that work out?”

“Well no-”

“Ali… right?” A tall blonde boy interrupts, “Wanna dance?”

I look in Ash’s direction. I don’t want to just abandon her. But she grabs my drink from my hand and tips her head in the direction of the dance floor, gesturing for me to go. I smile at her appreciatively.

“Sure…?” I say shyly him.

“Jacob.” He smiles and takes my hand, leading me into the large group of drunk, dancing teens.

I’d be lying if I say he isn’t attractive. Jacob looks like a classic surfer. If I didn’t know better I’d think that he and Ash are related.  His light blonde hair and tanned skin is from the constant saltwater and sun. He’s shredded too, with powerful arms and legs. Plus a defined six-pack and v-cut that runs into his board shorts. This and the fact that he’s probably 6’3” make him look older than a junior, or even a senior.

For a while we dance, my arms thrown around his shoulders and his hands on my hips. Then it turns into my back grinding against his front, while he struggles to keep rhythm with me. Eventually his hands tighten on my hips and his lips attack my neck. I'm okay with it at first, but as it goes on he becomes almost desperate for more and I'm not willing to go any further. I try to pull away, but his grip holds firm. 

“Let go,” I say firmly. 

“Come on Ali, have a little fun.” He laughs, like it it's a joke. 

I don't find it funny. My hands go to his wrist and I to pry them off my hips. “Let go,” I say again, raising my voice and hoping he gets the message. He doesn't. Instead, he tightens his grip and pulls me further into him. I keep trying to pull away, hoping someone steps in. 

Out of nowhere, one of his hands is ripped from me and I'm able to escape. My sides throb from Jacob’s tight grip; they're probably bruised. I turn to see that Ash is the one that grabbed his arm. 

“Mind if I have a dance,” Ash spits through gritted teeth. 

“Fine, she's a tease anyways.” Jacob huffs in annoyance. He stalks away, probably to find a girl who will give him what he wants. 

“Are you okay?” Ash asks, all of her anger dissipating into concern. 

I get on my toes and throw my arms around her neck. “Thank you.” I whisper, giving her a firm squeeze. 

“Told you I wouldn't leave you Princess. Now do you still want to dance?” Ash asks. 

“Yes! But let’s get more shots first!” I reply excitedly. Taking Ash’s hand and leading her to one of the coolers.

I grab the first bottle of clear liquor that I see, while Ash gets us some shot glasses. Once Ash is back at my side I pour the tequila. Almost as soon as it’s in the cup I down it and start pouring myself another. By the time Ash finishes her first shot, I’ve drank two and I’m dragging her back out to the dance floor.

Unlike my dance with Jacob, the added liquor has me grinding into Ash from the start. She’s surprised at first but soon her hands find a way to my hips and she’s following my rhythm better than Jacob. My hips continue to sway as the songs change. Ash is content to follow my lead, and I’m happy I can just let loose with a friend.

Eventually the party dies down, and I decide I’ve had enough dancing for the night. Ash and I settle around the fire with most of the other soccer girls.  I end up with my head resting on Ash’s shoulder again as most of the girls continue on with their conversations. It all turns into white noise when I stare into the fire, just enjoying the calm. 

“LET’S PLAY NEVER HAVE I EVER!” Pinoe yells, breaking my trance. 

I nod in agreement along with all the other girls who Pinoe hands full cups of jungle juice.  

“Great! Never have I ever been caught making out in school,” Pinoe smiles.

I take a drink along with Syd, HAO, Tobin, Kelley, Alex, and Ash.

“Wow guys,” Pinoe laughs even harder. “Your turn Tobin.”

“Shut up Pinoe.” Tobin rolls her eyes. “Never have I ever kissed a stranger.”

Syd, Kelley, Alex, Ash, and I all take another drink.

“Never have I ever been blackout drunk.” HAO goes next.

Yet again, I drink, along with Pinoe, Syd, Ash, Kelley, and Alex.

Now it’s Alex’s turn. “Never have I ever kissed a girl,” she directs at Pinoe and Ash.

“Unfair,” Ash and Pinoe groan in unison. 

“Yeah but I’ve never, sooo drink up,” Alex winks.

The two groan again before taking their drinks. Tobin, Kelley, and I consume our share right after. I know what is coming even before I finish drinking.

“ALI, you too?” Pinoe questions.

“Yeah,” I giggle. “It was a bet between me and my best friend. We were at a tournament and she bet me I couldn’t get a girl’s number. So I spent the whole night dancing with one girl, and after a few too many drinks, she kissed me. Long story short I won the bet and didn’t have to do laundry at our week long tourney,” I wink.

“Damn Princess, competitive?” Ash laughs.

“Very, now shhh it’s my turn,” I tease. “Never have I ever had a crush on a teammate.”

I giggle when Ash and Pinoe groan again before taking another gulp. Tobin and Kelley drink too but don’t complain as loudly.

Ash raises her eyebrow at me and smirks, “Never have I ever been to another country.”

“That is completely unfair,” I protest.

“Maybe, but it’s true. Soo drink up Princess.” Ash laughs.

“Fine,” I mumble, taking another swig of juice along with Tobin.

“Where have you been Tobin?” I ask curiously.

“My sister’s graduation present was a trip to Paris a few years back, and she took me,” Tobin shrugs.

“That’s awesome. I was only able to make it to Paris once, but I loved it,” I say.

“Yeah it was pretty cool.” Tobin says with a look of nostalgia.

“My turn!” Kelley calls out. “Never have I ever gone skinny dipping.”

I sigh, getting tired of drinking almost every round. But I take my drink, smiling at the memory playing in my head. I think just about everyone else drinks but I was more focused on my memory.

“Hey Princess I’m pretty tired, I think I’m gonna head up to the truck.” Ash whispers.

“Huh… Uh yeah, I think I’ll head up too,” I reply.

Walking to the truck is the hardest part of the night. Ash and I are both a little more than tipsy - more so me than her - and the soft sand doesn’t help our balance. But we eventually make it to the truck.  I end up changing in the cab of the truck, not liking my chances in the surrounding brush. When I’m done, Ash is already in the back of the truck with various blankets and pillows. Somehow she even has water and Gatorade.

“Where did all this stuff come from?” I laugh, getting in the bed next to Ash. Both of us lay on our backs, looking up at the countless number of stars.  

“That’s a secret,” Ash jokes.

“Well thank you… for everything,” I say seriously.

“Don’t mention it Princess… Now you wanna tell me about your skinny dipping adventure?”

“My family and my best friend’s family went on a cruise together a few years ago. Just like most of my bad decisions happen, we drank too much. And we thought it would be a good idea to skinny dip in one of the indoor pools.”

“Was it a good idea?”

“No, no it was not,” I laugh. “We ended up having to sneak out when we saw a group of attractive foreign boys coming to the pool. So we basically had to walk back to our room soaking wet and in our towels.”

Ash just doubles over in laughter, no doubt picturing my story.

“It’s not funny,” I say trying to contain my own laughter. “I saw you drink too, Now tell me your story.”

“Fine, fine,” Ash says trying to stifle her laughs. “It was a dare. All of us soccer girls were having our own little part and playing truth or dare. Pinoe dared to strip down and get in the water.  So I did, but then Pinoe decided that it would be funny if she stole my clothes. I was in the water for half an hour before HAO finally brought out a towel.”

“Oh my god,” I burst out.

“Yeah, yeah Princess.” Ash says, and I’m pretty sure she rolls her eyes.      

“Can I ask you a question?”

“You already did, but shoot?”

“Why did you talk to me on the beach my first day here?”

“Well if I’m being honest,” Ash laughs, “you looked like you were having trouble with something and needed someone to listen. I wanted to listen, and I’m happy that I did.”

“I’m happy you did too.” I say grabbing her arm and move it so I can cuddle into her. Ash tenses at first, not knowing what I'm doing, but quickly relaxes into my touch. She even pulls me in closer as I throw my arm over her stomach. 

Once I’m settled, I look up to her. “Is this okay?” I ask shyly. 

Ash beams, “It’s perfect.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! Suggestions?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't get this up sooner, just been in and out of town all week. Hope you enjoy.

"Princess... Princess... Wake up," I hear faint whispers.

Then, someone’s shaking me. "C'mon Ali I want to show you something."

"Uuuuuhhh," I groan burying myself deeper into whoever is next to me. My hangover is already setting in.

"Ali I really want you to watch this with me," I hear the whisper.

I groan again, but open my eyes to Ash. The only sign of her fatigue is the slight bags under her eyes.

"Sit up and watch this with me," she smiles excitedly.

I pout but comply. Ash sits up too and moves back so she’s resting against the cab of the truck. She pulls me with her so I'm sitting between her legs and I rest my head back on her shoulder. Her arms wrap around me and I could fall back asleep right there.

"Whyy areen't we still sleeeeping?" I whine.

"Cause watch." She points out to the calm water. "Oh and put these on," she hands me a pair of sunglasses.

It takes a few minutes, but the navy sky lightens. Slowly the pale blue becomes hues of pink, orange, and red. Then comes the sun. It brings more colors to the sky and reflects gently across the waves. As it climbs higher and higher into the sky, the colors fade and the light becomes brighter. It's absolutely breathtaking, and worth my worsening headache.

"Beautiful," I mumble, pressing my back further into Ash.

Ash squeezes me. "Looks like you have been bumped to third place," she teases.

"I guess I'm okay with that," I roll my eyes, finding a way to snuggle in closer and fall asleep again.   

  
  


Some hours later I wake up again. Only this time there is no Ash and I’m not wearing the sunglasses. I’m in the bed of the truck, alone, and with a slightly less severe hangover. I immediately go for one of the unopened bottles of Gatorade, knowing that I’m dehydrated from last night.

“Princess! You’re up!” I hear Ash yell.

I look around and see her walking up to the truck carrying a plastic bag. There’s a dimpled grin on her face. “Where have you been?” I question as she nears the truck.

“I got breakfast,” Ash answers, holding up the bag.

“Yay! What are we eating? Cause I’m starving,” I say.

“Well Princess, I got us some beach breakfast burritos. Honey maple ham, egg, pepper jack cheese and all the veggies wrapped in a tortilla and grilled,” she explains, while taking a seat next to me and handing me the wrapped burrito.

“Sounds great,” I smile. I unwrap the food and quickly take a bite to ease my hunger.

Ash laughs at me, and I only roll my eyes in return, not wanting to stop eating. We dine in silence, enjoying the light crash of waves. Surprisingly there are even a few surfers bobbing in the distance. My head finds its familiar place on Ash’s shoulder as my burrito disappears. Honestly, even though I’m nursing a hangover, this is the most content I’ve been in months.

The familiar sound of my alarm wakes me. After a great weekend spent with Ash, it’s Monday. The day I find out if I made the team or not. Not to mention that today is the day school actually starts. Summer is officially over. Just thinking about it makes my chest tighten in anxiety. What if I don’t make it? What if I’m not good enough? All of my friends are basically already on the team. I don’t want to lose them. I don’t want to lose Ash.

I try to relax with a shower. It helps, but not much. I figure that if I look good then I’ll feel good, so I pull out a loose-fitting long sleeve floral romper and my strappy sandals. Packing stuff for soccer brings back the fear that I won’t be using it this afternoon. I can only push this to the back of my mind as I go down stairs for cinnamon rolls and coffee. Before I go outside I grab an extra cinnamon roll. Inevitably Ash is outside and eagerly accepts the pastry as we get in her jeep. All the color from the past weekend is gone, and Ash is back to her normal wardrobe color choices of black, white, and grey.

“You ready for your first official day as a Satellite Scorpion?” Ash smiles with a mouth full of cinnamon roll. 

“I'm trying to not get my hopes up,” I say honestly. 

“Hey…” She says, waiting for me to look at her. “You have nothing to worry about,” she says soothingly.

“Thanks Ash,” I say with a small smile. 

The rest of the ride is filled with old-ish 2000s music. We sing along, remembering all the words from when we were younger. Ash gets really into some of the raps and never fails to make me laugh. It allows me to momentarily forget the fear of not making the team, however short-lived the distraction. Too soon for my liking, we park at the high school and walk to Coach’s office. 

The list is on her door. If you made it, then your name is on it. There’s a mass of girls fighting to get a glimpse at the piece of paper. Just like the first day of tryouts, Ash and I hang back. We wait for the crowd to thin, seeing both disappointed and elated faces. Neither reactions do anything to calm my own anxiety. To my surprise, Ash’s hand finds it way into my own to give me a reassuring squeeze. I'm thankful for the contact.

My anxiety hikes back up once it's our turn to see the list. Ash steps up first, never releasing my hand. The index finger of her free hand goes down the list. She stops at one name and gives a small fist pump before continuing down the list. With a squeeze to my hand, Ash is done and now it's my turn. 

I step up to the list. The index finger of my free hand runs passed Alex, Tobin, Kelley, HAO, Pinoe, Syd, and Ash. There are other names too, but I can't remember who they belong to. As I go further down the list, I still don't see my name. My dread heightens as I skim by each unfamiliar name. I did well, didn’t I? I mean, I’m fit. I’m able to keep up with HAO, Tobin, and Kelley. I know my technical skills aren’t great but that’ll change as the season goes on. And I know that I play a different style, but that shouldn’t keep me off the team. Should it?  

The last name. My name is the last name. Alexandra Krieger is the last name on the list. I fucking made it. All of my anxiety is gone. I’m good enough. All of my hard work has paid off and I’m just happy. I know the next step will be the fight for playing time, but that’s further down the road. 

I let out a sequel once the shock wears off. I don’t even realize that I let go of Ash’s hand to do a little fist pump of my own. I throw my arms around her neck. “I made it,” I whisper. 

Ash’s arms wrap around my middle to return the embrace. “I told you, you have nothing to worry about,” she says sincerely. 

“Yeah I guess you were right.” I tease, releasing my hold around her neck.

“I always am,” she jokes back. “Now let’s get to English and talk about how we are going to celebrate.”

  
  


We end up agreeing on getting some sandwiches and eating on the beach after practice. This happens while our English teacher threatens to separate us if we don’t get back to our work. The rest of the school day is consumed with all the assignments the teachers put off from the week before. Even lunch is a little quieter with everyone a little overwhelmed, but we still talk and laugh. The girls keep chatting about the season, how they are excited that I’m playing and about the big rivalry games. I think about how the games will be different. How in Germany some of our games were hours away from our school, and that most of the time it was just parents in the stands, even against our rivals. But now the stands will be full of students from not only our school but the opposing school that is only thirty minutes away. The thought gives me a nervous excitement. I’m ready for the season. 

  
  


I am not ready for the season. It’s what I’m thinking after our fifth set of wind sprints at the end of practice. It’s only up and back, but up and back is 240 yards. Not to mention we have to finish each set in 25 seconds with a 30 second break in between each set. My legs and lungs are on fire. I cringe at the thought of getting all the way to ten sets like coach wants. 

We end on seven sets. I finish strong with the rest of the team, making it across the touch line before I collapse. Coach doesn’t even bother trying to get us into a huddle, she just lets us stretch and tells us to keep pushing ourselves and that this is going to be a good season. I hear her and the other coaches walk off, but I don’t move. I just lay on the ground with my eyes closed, taking in the late August sun. 

“So are we gonna celebrate, or are you just gonna lay here?” I hear Ash laugh from above me, partially blocking the sun. 

“I don’t think my legs work,” I whine, opening my eyes.

“Here… hold on,” Ash says, bending down to put my arms around her neck.  

“Wait, why do I- AASSHH!” I squeal, clinging to Ash as she picks me up from the ground bridal style. “What the hell?!”

“What?” She laughs. “I’m hungry and you said you said your legs don’t work. And even if we weren’t celebrating, I’m your ride home Princess.”

“I guess you do have a point,” I roll my eyes. “Now put me down.”

“As you wish Princess,” she answers and gently sets me back on my feet.

Apparently we were out on the field for a while because the locker room is empty. I was expecting maybe a few of the other girls to celebrate with us, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. I don't mind, I have fun when it's just me and Ash. I don't feel any pressure to impress her and she doesn't pressure me for my whole life story. I'm comfortable with her.

I head to my locker in the corner of the room, pulling my sweat soaked shirt over my head in the process. I sit in the bench next to my locker to take off my socks and shin guards and to slip on my running shoes. I dig through my bag looking for an extra shirt, but I can’t find one again. I shrug, too exhausted to care. After I pack the rest of my stuff, I walk to the other side of the locker room where Ash is still shoving her stuff into her soccer bag.

“Now who’s taking forever?” I tease, leaning against the locker next to hers.

“I’m making sure I have everything,” Ash rolls her eyes. “And at least I’m fully clothed,” she points to my bare torso and laughs.”

“Hey it’s not my fault Florida is like a sauna,” I argue.

“It is not  _ that _ hot, and besides do you even have an extra shirt?” She quirks an eyebrow at me.

“I may have forgotten… again,” I mumble.

“Do you want one?” Ash asks.

“Nah, I’m fine. But let’s goooooo,” I whine and pick up one of her bags and walk towards the parking lot, hoping that she’ll hurry. I mean, she is driving.  

Ash does catch up with me a few yards away from her jeep. She comes up from behind me wrapping her arms around my waist and lifting me slightly off the ground. “Ash!” I squeal.

“That’s what you get for leaving me,” She grins and puts be back on the ground.

I hand her back her bag with a pout.

“Come on Princess,” Ash smiles and throws her arm over my shoulder. “Let’s go celebrate.”

We end up at Hightower Beach again. Ash leads me to the same spot we sat after the second day of tryouts. We already got our food from a local sandwich shop. It’s apparently another one of those places “you have to try” according to Ash, but every place she took me was one of those places. She even pays for me, despite my protests. We sit in the same spot we sat the last time we were here. I dig straight into my sandwich, and Ash does the same. We don’t talk, we just eat.

Soon the food is gone and our stomachs are full. I take a familiar position next to Ash, with my head resting against her shoulder. Off in the distance the sky is just at the point where the horizon holds a faint shade pink as it mixes with the light blue sky.

“This is probably my favorite part of Florida,” I say.

“The sky? The beaches? Or the me?” Ash jokes.

“All of the above?” I whisper. “In Germany I only got to see the sunrise when we went to the country for vacation. We would wake up way too early for anyone to be alive and go on hikes. Other than that, the sun would disappear or appear from behind buildings.”

“Yeah we don't actually get to see the sunset but this is a close second. And if you ever want to see the sunset again I’m just a text away.”

“Really?” I ask hesitantly.

Ash lets out a small laugh as she turns so we are facing each other, not even a foot of space between us.

My eyes drop to my lap, embarrassed that I would question Ash after all she’s done.

I feel one of her hands go to my face, as she brings my eyes up to meet her own. “Ali, like I said before, and I’ll say it as long as you want me in your life. You’re not alone… I will always be here for you.”

I don’t have any words. I hold her gaze, hoping it will suffice. She doesn’t to attempt to say anything else or move her hand. I don’t think there is anything else to say. She means it.

I see her eyes dart down to my lips for half a second. Like it was a mistake.

My eyes start moving on their own. They drift down and land on Ash’s lips before returning back to her eyes.

I see her start to lean towards me, closing the space between us,  

I stay rooted in my spot, but feel my eyes drop back down to her lips. Following them, as the space between us shrinks.

She stops, close enough that I can feel her shaky breath on my lips. I close my eyes but don’t move. I can’t move.

I feel the pad of her thumb run lightly over my cheek and her lips are on mine. There is no space. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you think Ali will react? Other thoughts?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really loved all the comments, hope this is good. I was hoping to get this out earlier but stuff happens. Not really sure how many more chapters we have left.

I shouldn’t be doing this. I don’t like girls; I’m straight for god’s sake.  I shouldn’t be kissing Ashlyn.

I pull my face away from hers. My hands slip to her chest to keep us apart. “Ash… I can’t,” I croak out. My cheeks are burning and it’s an effort to look at her.

Her eyes drop my gaze and she pulls back. “I’m sorry.” She sighs dejectedly, “Let’s just get you home.”

I don’t have time to answer, because she’s already walking back to her truck. I don’t make an attempt to catch up with her.  Insead, I stay a few steps behind until we are both in the truck. The drive to my house is only five minutes, but even that feels like too long. The radio’s off and neither of us feels like talking, leaving us to ride in uncomfortable silence. When we reach my house, Ash doesn’t offer more than a mumbled goodbye before driving off.

I sigh, walking inside and straight to my room. I throw my bag in the direction of my closet and flop onto my air mattress. I pull out my phone and start scrolling through Instagram, hoping for a distraction. I see the updates from Germany, mostly about some volleyball game. I’m interrupted by a buzz.

It’s a text from Ash.  _ I’m really sorry Ali. _

_ It’s fine.  _ It’s a lie - and she probably knows it.

_ Do you still want me to pick you up in the morning? _

I stare at the question for a while, not wanting to tell her no but unsure if I can handle another car ride filled with awkward silence.  _ No, I’ll just ride with my dad. _

_ Okay.  _ Is all Ash texts back.

I groan in frustration. I toss my phone to the same corner as my soccer bag. I know our conversation is over, but I can’t stop thinking about it and I don’t want to deal with the problem anymore. So I just lie on my air mattress and stare at the ceiling. Soon, my eyes begin to droop from exhaustion, but I hear my door open. I raise my head slightly and see that it’s my brother.

“Alex, Dad wanted me to tell you that our stuff won’t be here until next week.” Kyle says.

“Ehhhh.” I groan in response and drop my head back to the mattress. I hear the door close and expect Kyle to shrug off my response, close the door, and go back to whatever he was doing. But I hear him walk to me and sit next to my bed.

“Okay, spill.” He nudges me so I look at him.

“I have nothing to spill,” I lie.

He laughs. “Bullshit.”

“Ugh, fine,” I roll my eyes. “You know that girl on the soccer team I’ve been hanging out with?”

“Yeah, the hot blonde surfer chick right?” He asks.

“Yeah her,” I sigh. “Well, after we found out I made the team she suggested we celebrate after practice. So we get sandwiches and go to the beach down the road. We eat, and then I tell her about seeing the sunrise in Germany. She offers to watch it with me here and that I’d just have to text her when I want to go…”

“So you’re upset ‘cause you actually have to get up at the ass crack of dawn now?” Kyle laughs.

“No. Unlike you I like watching the sunrise,” I correct.

“Then what’s the big deal, Alex?” He rolls his eyes and laughs again.

“The big deal is that we kissed!” I raise my voice in frustration. “It’s a big deal because I think I just lost the only friend I made here. I can’t even avoid her either; we have classes, lunch, and soccer together. And knowing her, she’ll want to talk about it, but I just want to forget that it ever happ-”

“Alex,” he interrupts. “Are you sure? Maybe you wanted this to happen?” His voice is teasing but there’s an underlying tone of seriousness.

“Why the fuck would I want this Kyle?! I’m STRAIGHT and she is my only friend. Why would I try to complicate anything?” I emphasize, trying to get him to understand why I’m so upset.

“Alex I know you’re upset, but just listen to me,” Kyle almost pleads.

“Fine.” 

“Why do you have to be straight? Honestly, why? Why can’t you just love who you want to love? Why can’t you just let yourself be happy? Who is to say that you have to only like boys, when you have found the right connection with a girl? A connection that you’ll only know is there if you open yourself up to it.”

I don’t have an answer to any of his questions.

“I almost pushed this matter with Tyler and you while we were in Germany.”

“Really?” I don’t bother to hide the hurt in my voice.

“Yeah, almost. You two had a connection, but it wasn’t something special. I knew you guys would never be anything more than friends, and I think Tyler knew that too.”

“Tyler had deeper feelings for me?”

“God, Alex, that girl followed you around like a puppy. She would do anything for you. She was happier about the peck on the cheek you gave her than actually winning Europeans, and everyone could see it. But she never pushed you because she knew it wasn’t right.”

“Ahh why is everything so complicated?”

“But what I’m saying Alex is that it doesn’t have to be. Just go for it.” Kyle says. He sends me a smile as he gets up and walks out of my room, only stopping to throw my phone back at me.

The glass screen lands on my stomach with a smack my stomach. I pick it up and click the home button. To my surprise I have another text from Ash.

_ I’m still here for you. _

_ Shit _ , is all I can think when my alarm goes off. I didn’t take a shower last night, in fact I was only awake long enough to read Ash’s text and set my alarm before I passed out. But now I stretch out, groaning in the process, trying to will myself out of bed. It doesn’t work out too well. I end up rolling onto the hardwood floor and lying there. Scrolling through my phone gives me a few minutes before I have to start getting ready.

Just as I expected, an hour later I’m pulling on another pair of printed dolphin shorts. Unlike the bonfire, I opt for a loose fitting white V-neck instead of the crop top deemed inappropriate for school. I check my makeup one more time before I leave the bathroom to get my sandals and put together my stuff for practice (which is really me shoving shorts, a sports bra, spandex, and socks into my already overstuffed duffle bag that smells of sweat and shin guards).

With everything packed, I make my way down stairs to the smell of warm blueberry bagels and fresh coffee. Unlike most mornings I actually have time to eat the bagel my Mom made me. I sit at a makeshift box table with my dad and scroll through my phone while my bagel slowly disappears.

“Alex honey,” my mom interrupts my mindless scrolling. “Where is your friend that usually takes you to school?”

“Uh she’s busy this morning,” I lie. “I’m just gonna ride with dad and Kyle.”

“Oh okay. I’d really like to meet her when we actually get all of our stuff and we aren’t sitting on boxes from the express shipment,” she laughs.

“Yeah maybe,” I sigh.

Before my Mom can question me Kyle comes running down the stairs, “Come on Alex! We’re gonna be late.”

“We wouldn’t be late if you didn’t take so long,” I roll my eyes and follow him out to the rental van.

“You’re one to talk,” he sticks his tongue out at me.

“Whatever Kyle, I’m allowed to take my time. I’m a princess,” I sass back.

“Oh how could I ever forget?” He rolls his eyes, but pulls open the door to the van for me with an overly exaggerated flourish. “Your chariot awaits.”

I chuckle at his antics and climb into the back seat. After closing my door, Kyle gets into the front passenger seat. We wait for our dad, and it seems like he takes forever. The silence we’re sitting in doesn’t help either. Neither does the hot and humid Florida day. The air in the car is heavy and full of tension.

“Sooo…” Kyle starts. “What’s gonna happen today?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I answer evenly.

“Alex just cut the crap,” Kyle huffs. “We both know who I’m talking about.”

I let my head hit the headrest and I look up at the worn overhead fabric. “Kyle I don’t know what I am going to do. I don’t want to lose her, but I don’t know if I can be anything more than friends,” I confess.

Before Kyle answers, the driver’s side door is swung open and my dad climbs into his seat. The van roars to life and the radio eases some of the tension from the air. It’s still hot and heavy, but it’s barely bearable for the ten minute ride to the school. Taking on the extra five minutes it takes to get to the front of the school has me almost flying out of the van.

“ALEX!” Kyle calls out as I walk off in the direction of the locker room.

I look back and meet his gaze.

“Take a chance!” He yells.

I don’t nod, I don’t call back, I just turn and start walking.

After I throw my stiff in the locker room, I make my way to first period. I don’t run into Ash, and part of me is thankful. I’m glad I don’t have to face the problem, even if it’s just for the few moments before I walk into English. I’m thankful that I can prepare myself before walking into the room, that I can at least look like I’m not hopelessly confused about everything.  

I walk in and my eyes find Ash. I’m not even trying; it just seems to happen. She’s already at her desk next to my own. Her blonde hair spills from her black snapback and onto her freckled shoulders that are covered by the thin fabric of a gray cut-off. And in true Ash fashion, she dons her black board shorts along with a black pair of vans. At the moment, she’s talking to the person that occupies the other seat next to her with that goofy grin and adorable dimple.

“Beautiful,” the word tumbles from my mouth; luckily it came out as a mumble.

As if Ash somehow actually heard me, her head turns towards the door and her eyes meet my own. Her goofy grin falls to an apologetic smile, and it breaks my heart. All I can think is that she looks so much better when she’s happy. But I push that thought to the back of my mind for now as the ringing bell tells me I have to take my seat.

Once I’m situated, Ash leans over and whispers, “I mean what I said before. I’m sorry, but I really think we need to talk about it.”

“I know, but can we do that after practice?” I ask.

“Anything for you, Princess,” Ash says earnestly.

We did just that for the rest of school. We got through it. We manage to get through lunch. I’m happier seeing the smile return to Ash’s face but I think that other girls can tell that something is off. If they do, they don’t mention anything. The rest of the school day goes by and I’m a little thankful that I don’t have more classes with Ash. It gives me more time to gather myself, and to actually fire out what I’m going to do.

Practice rolls around and I suck. Everything about my game is off; from my touches, to the weight of my passes, and even my fitness. As time ticks along, I become more and more frustrated with myself. I’m better than this but I’m not showing it. I should be proving myself but right now I can barely handle how poorly I’m doing. It’s a relief when Coach blows the whistle to end practice, but then I remember that I have to face Ash.

I internally groan when Coach dismisses us and I immediately see Ash walking towards me. Before she has a chance to say anything I blurt out, “Can we go back to Hightower Beach to talk?”

Ash nods and walks with me to the locker room in silence. This silence continues into her jeep. Thankfully this time the radio is on and I don’t feel like I’m suffocating.

At the beach we don’t make it to the sand. We take a spot leaning against the wood railing that lines a pathway and overlooks the ocean. Both of us struggle to start the conversation and just look out in the distance.

“I’m sorry.” Ash sighs.

“I know. You said that already,” I remind her.

“Well I mean it.”

“I just don’t want to lose you,” I confess.

“I mean it when I said that I’m still here for you. I don’t intend on leaving unless you want me to, Princess. And yesterday I just acted on impulse. I don’t know what came over me. I should be the one that’s afraid. Afraid that I scared you away because I’m an idiot. ”

I turn to face her and she does the same. “I’m not afraid, I’m confused. And you’re not an idiot Ash. You are the farthest thing from it. You are smart, kind, caring, and one of the bravest people I have ever met. I want you in my life. But I’m new to all of this and what if I’m not good enough?”

“What do you mean, Ali?”

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to take the chance.” I whisper taking a step towards Ash.

I crash my lips into hers. There is no space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? What do you think will happen next?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me forever. But this past week has been crazy with my soccer tourney, spring break, and just not being at my house. With that being said, hope you guys enjoy.

My arms end up around Ash’s neck while her hands go to my hips. We draw each other in closer, but soon the need for air becomes apparent. We reluctantly break apart. I keep my eyes closed and bury my face into her neck. She instinctively wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace, while both of us process what just happened.

After a few moments of enjoying how close we are I hear Ash whisper, “You’ve just made me the happiest person… ever.”

I move to see she’s staring down at me with that goofy smile and a dreamy look in her eyes. “You’re perfect,” I breathe out. “I just… I just don’t know if I’m good enough…”

“Hey. You are more than good enough.  In fact I’m the one that doesn’t deserve someone like you. Whatever is happening between us, will go at your pace Princess. And no matter what happens I’m here for you, always.” Ash says seriously.

I have no words. I move to capture her lips again, trying to convey the array of emotions running through my mind. How, even though I’m terrified of losing her, I feel safe in her arms. How this just isn’t some experiment, and that I never want to hurt her. Most of all… how I think I’m falling for her.

At my house my brother is waiting for me. I find him sitting on the floor of my room, busying himself with his phone. “What are you doing in my room?” I ask rhetorically.

“How did things go with you and Blondie the hottie?” Kyle retaliates.

I roll my eyes at the nickname he has chosen for Ash. “Everything’s good now,” I say with a small smile.

“Define good,” Kyle demands.

“I took a chance,” I say.

His eyes go wide. “Does this mean you guys are together?” He asks excitedly.

“I don’t know,” I answer honestly.

“What do you mean you don’t know Alex?” He furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“I mean I don’t know. We didn’t talk about what we actually are. I just sorta kissed her and she said we’d go at my pace.”

“Well, do you want to be official then?”

“Kyle I don’t know, I’m still trying to figure everything out,” I answer in mild frustration.

“Okay okay.” He holds his hands up in surrender. “But for what it’s worth, I’m proud of you Alex. Love is love,” he finishes and gets up to plant a kiss on my head before leaving my room.

I sigh in relief, not having to face any more questions. But then I realize I actually have to start my homework. I groan, pulling books and binders from my bag and flipping them open to my assigned work. It’s nothing hard, mostly review to start the year, but that doesn’t mean I want to do it.

Five minutes into starting at my homework I’m contemplating answering the buzz from my phone. I give in, without much of a fight. I smile when I see it’s a text from Ash.

_ Hey Princess. Is it okay if I pick you up tomorrow morning? _

_ That would be perfect! As long I can get a ride home :).   _ I smile at my phone.

_ I make no promises ;) _

The next morning Ash is waiting in front of my house just as promised. She even opens the door for me as I climb into the jeep. Then she closes my door and jogs to climb into the driver’s seat. The dimpled smile never leaves her face, and it causes me to break out into my own nose-crinkling grin. Before Ash starts the car, she leans over the center console to plant a soft kiss on my cheek.

“What was that for?” I ask surprised.

“Just cause you’re beautiful,” Ash winks and starts to drive.

“Oh I bet that’s how you win over all the girls,” I tease.

She laughs, “You would be right about that… Is it working?”

“It might be,” I answer honestly.

The rest of the ride to school we are back to singing whatever 2000s throwbacks come on the radio. It leaves both of us smiling and laughing at each other. It’s just like before, except lighter. Before long we park at the school and Ash insists on carrying my bag to the locker room. I protest, but end up losing the battle when she starts walking to the locker room with my stuff, yelling over her shoulder for me to catch up. Which I do, and we walk to the room with more small talk and teasing. 

On the way to English, Ash drapes her arm over my shoulder. Even though it’s humid her touch is calming and causes me to lean into her. That is, until we are forced to separate and sit at our respective seats.

At lunch Ash is the one to change up the seating order. She takes Tobin’s seat next to me, while Tobin (in true Tobin fashion) just shrugs it off and takes Ash’s previous seat across from me. To my surprise, no one else really cares about the change. We are mostly focused on our first game next Friday. Well, more so the after party. Which prompts the telling of a few embarrassing stories of previous parties and leaves everyone laughing. The whole time Ash decides to sneak small touches whenever she can. The others don’t seem to notice this either.  I’m actually thankful for it, the last thing I want to do is explain what is happening between me and Ash.

The rest of school goes by quickly. The classes without Ash I keep to myself, unless there is another soccer girl. The classes with her, we return to teasing and laughing. This causes us to get more than a little distracted from our work, earning us one or two warnings from teachers. But it all passes little too quickly when I realize that we have more conditioning planned for practice.

Just like I dreaded, practice is nothing but fitness. Coach might make “Two Mile Tuesday” sound fun, but no one has ever had fun running a timed two mile in the heavy Florida air. I manage to finish in the top five despite my burning lungs. But I know this is only the start.

After everyone finishes, we take a short water break before moving on to ball work drills. The only catch is these drills require an almost absurd amount of running but little no breaks. Not even two minutes in and I already feel my legs starting to slow down. They are becoming heavy. I’m still playing well, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep it up. Especially if everyone keeps that same intensity.

Luckily I’m able to push through the ball work and keep my touches clean. I’m happy when this also carries into our scrimmages. My legs are heavy but I stick to the basics. I make simple passes and focus on my first touch. I also make sure my runs are well timed to keep me from exerting too much energy. I find myself not only becoming better in fitness and technical skill, but I’m becoming smarter too. I guess soccer in the States pushes you to be the best.

This and the fact that my team won the scrimmage ends practice on a high. I’m playing well and feeling even better. Everyone seems to take notice as we all walk to the locker room. Most comments are passing good jobs as I fall into stride with Ash who is talking with Syd on her other side.

“So we can go to your house after right?” Syd asks.

“Yeah sure, as long as we keep it small.” Ash answers. That apparently satisfies whatever Syd wanted to know, because she trots off to catch up with Alex.

“What are you keeping small?” I ask curiously.

“The girls want to celebrate after the first game of the season, and just a walk down the shore from my grandma’s house there is secluded section of beach. Since it’s still really nice at night and there’s no rain that weekend, it’s probably the best place for us to party a little.” Ash answers.

“That sounds like fun,” I smile.

“Ohh it is,” she chuckles. “A few of the stories you heard at lunch happened there, not to mention my skinny dipping adventure.”

In a sudden rush of confidence I lean into Ash’s ear and whisper, “Maybe this time you won’t be skinny dipping alone.”

I take off at a jog, closing the last few feet of space between me and the locker room. I think Ash was so surprised she stopped walking. My suspicions are confirmed when the doors open again to let in a slightly red faced Ash who silently makes her way to her locker. I bite my lip to hide my smirk at the reversed roles. How Ash is usually the cool confident one and I’m the quiet shy one. Or at least that what everyone here knows me as. Teasing Ash made me feel like my old self again. I was the bold outgoing person who was comfortable with just being her. But with all these new feelings, I guess I’m just trying to find myself again. These thoughts continue through my head until someone throws a shirt at me.

“Earth to Ali,” Ash laughs. “Put a shirt on so we can go.”

I snap from my haze to stick my tongue out at her. Then I decide instead of throwing the shirt back at her I’ll just put it on. I effectively earn an eyeroll from Ash who takes my bag and starts walking to her jeep. This earns Ash an eyeroll in return as I throw my school bag over my shoulder and trot to catch up with her.

“So am I getting that ride home?” I joke.

Ash stops in front of her jeep and turns to face me, “One condition.”

“Name it,” I say almost challengingly.

“Go on a date with me, a real one, this Friday night.” She grins.

“Uh… sure… I’d love to,” I answer surprised.

“Great! Now let’s get you home.” She winks and shows off her dimple.

I roll my eyes at her seemingly boundless confidence. Then we both climb into her jeep. Ash decides that she wants to take the long way to my house, claiming that there is traffic on the highway for some event. But I think she is just making excuses to be with me longer, and I’m not complaining. Just like all the other times we’re in her jeep we sing and rap (well mostly Ash raps). This always has me almost to tears from laughter and that just encourage Ash.

Almost half an hour later we arrive at my house. I almost tell Ash to keep driving, but I know we both have homework so I restrain myself. So much so that I hadn’t noticed Ash got out of her seat, grabbed my bag, and is now holding the car door open for me.

“Any time now Princess,” she smirks.

I roll my eyes, “A Princess is never rushed.” Then I exit the car while reaching for my bag.

“Ah ah ah,” Ash shakes her head, moving so I can’t take my stuff. “I’m walking you to your door.”

“To what do I owe this honor?” I ask, walking past Ash towards my front door.

“Just wanted to make sure my Princess got to her house safe,” she answers with a shrug when she reaches my side.

“Yeah, cause so much can happen on the twenty-five yard walk to my front door,” I tease and stop at my front door.

“That’s right, anything can happen. That’s why I’m here,” she winks, then hands me my bag but doesn’t let go.

“Thanks,” I say earnestly. I know this is all because of our new relationship, whatever it is, but I find it sweet of her.

Her eyes drop to my lips. “Can…” She starts.

Before she can finish, I move so that there are just millimeters between my lips and hers. “Yes.” I whisper.

Ash closes the final bit of space with my answer. The kiss is gentle, and neither of us pushes for more. But it’s enough. Enough to make both of us smile like idiots when we break apart.

“See you tomorrow Princess,” Ash grins.

“Can’t wait,” I answer with a nose crinkling smile.

With that Ash walks back to her jeep, while I unlock the door to my house. After I close the door I make sure it’s locked.

Before I turn I hear the sound of my father’s work boots against the wood floor stop behind me. “Alex, what the hell was that?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What reaction do you think we'll see? Other thoughts? suggestions?


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is good.

I freeze, facing him. It’s hard to breathe. My hands become clammy and my stomach drops to the floor. I’m pretty sure any color I do have has drained from my face, replaced by a green hue that only comes with nausea. My eyes go out of focus as I stare through my father.

“Well.” He states in a voice I only heard when he reprimands one of his young Airmen.

I open my mouth but before I can speak I hear my mother from the kitchen.

“Dinner’s ready,” she sings.

“This isn’t over,” my father growls as he walks into the kitchen.

I finally gasp for air as he walks away. I’m off the hook for now, but I know there is no escaping my father, so I head the bathroom in an effort to prepare myself. After splashing water on my face and washing my hands, I make my way to the kitchen. In the room my family is already around out makeshift table and there is a plate waiting for me. My father notices me first. I can feel his stare piercing my skin, but he doesn’t speak and neither do I.

“Oh Alex honey, there you are. How was school?” My mother smiles as I sit.

“Fine,” I answer looking down at my plate.

“Well how was soccer?” She asks, hoping I’ll give a better answer.

“It was good,” I let out. My eyes stay trained on my plate as I pick at my food.

“How are you and your  _ friend _ ?” Kyle asks with a smirk.

I cringe at the question as my father’s eyes bore into me. “What friend?” I answer with a bite, hoping Kyle drops it.

I’m wrong. “Oh you know the blonde one. A little taller than you, plays soccer, drives a jeep.” Kyle pushes.

“I don’t know-”

“Cut the crap Alex,” my father interrupts. “What is happening between you and that other girl?”  

Kyle stares, his eyes wide with shock while my mother looks at me questioningly.

“We are together.” I mumble but this only angers my father further.

“FOR FUCKS SAKE ALEX SPEAK UP,” he slams his fist into the cardboards table.

I flinch at his outburst. “We’re together!” I practically yell back at him.

With that he just stands and walks away. No one else in the house says a word. I feel something wet falling onto my hand. I’m crying. I exit the room, running up the stairs to my room and collapse behind a closed door once I get there.

I'm gasping for air through my tears. It's like I'm drowning, except there is no escaping this impending doom. I can't just swim to the surface. It's like I'm being held under by the walls of my room. I know what's happening; I'm having an anxiety attack. I've had a few before but none have been as crippling as this one. I can't even find the strength to make it to my bed. I curl up against my door, hoping that this will pass.

It does, but only when exhaustion overtakes my body. I'm awoken by my door nudging the small of my back. I look up and see Kyle looking down on me with apologetic eyes. I scoot far enough from the door that he can squeeze into my room. He doesn't say anything as he picks me up off the floor and gently places me on my bed. He places a soft kiss to my forehead and places my phone next to me before he walks out of the room.

I uncurl myself just enough to pick up my phone. I have notifications from social media and text but those are all ignored as I set my alarm. Once set, I plug in my phone and let sleep over take my body once again.

The familiar sound of work boots breaks my dream induced smile. It erases the sunset and tears me away from Ash. When I open my eyes to my further, I can feel the world closing in on me.

He stands, arms crossed over his chest, in front of my now open door. In his digitized tiger stripe ABUs and high-and-tight haircut makes him seem like a much more daunting force. It doesn't help the only light streams into the room from behind him, darkening his already hardened features. I think I should be used to this, but I'm not. The only other time I've seen my father like this was during a disagreement with Kyle and I still don't know any of the details.

"I want to meet her," he breaks the heavy silence.

"Uh... what... really?" I ask surprised.

"Yes, your mother wants to meet her too... Invite her to dinner tonight." He tells me in his usual monotone voice.

He doesn’t wait for my response as he turns and leaves my room. I sigh knowing today is going to be long and probably painful. I glance down at my phone and see that if I want to even think about making it to school on time I have to get up now. So I do and head for the shower to hopefully release some anxiety.

It helps, but not by much. I don’t even think looking good will save me from all my stress so I opt for comfortable. I emerge from the bathroom in running shorts and a tee, with my hair in a messy bun. When I head down stairs I’m still greeted by the same warm smile, coffee, and whatever breakfast we have, but I find that my brother and father have already left. So I stand at the counter to try and figure out how I’m going to tell Ash any of this. How do you tell someone that your military father freaked out when he saw you kiss another girl from your kitchen window? If I haven’t lost her yet, all I hope is I don’t lose her after whatever happens.

“You know he’s just surprised and wants the best for you,” I hear my mother says from behind me.

“Well he had a great way of showing it,” I roll my eyes and turn to face her. “You know I’m scared too. I’ve never had such strong feelings towards another person. And I have no idea what I’m doing…. It’s not like I wanted this to happen. It just kinda did,” I confess.

“Well, if everything you say is true, just give your father time. He’ll come around.” She smiles and moves to give me a hug.

I return her hug happily. “I hope so,” I whisper.

“Now you might want to get going.” She says as she pulls away, looking out the kitchen window at Ash’s jeep.

“Thanks mom,” I smile. Then I grab my bags and head out door.

“Good morning Princess,” Ash smiles while holding open the passenger door.

“Good morning,” I smile back and peck her on the cheek as I climb into the car.

Ash’s smile simply grows in response, and doesn’t leave her face the whole ride to school. I’m smiling too, but inside I’m anxious and slowly becoming lost in my own thoughts. Just having friends over for dinner is awkward with my father trying to decide if they are really “what’s best for me,” having him meet a potential boyfriend never went over well either. Now add in the fact that Ash and I aren’t even really together, and my father’s initial reaction. I can’t see this dinner ending well, if Ash even agrees to come.

“Earth to Ali,” Ash laughs.

“Huh… uh-what?” I ask, trying to shake off my anxiety.

“Well, I was asking if you wanted to go to the beach again before I took you home. But it looks like you have something on your mind. Sooo what’s wrong Princess?” Ash asks as we pull into the school parking lot.

“Um… uh… Well, yesterday after you dropped me off-Which was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me, and you know you don’t have to carry my stuff right. I mean I love that you just want to take care of me but I can carry my smelly soccer stuff. I won’t-”

“Ali!” Ash interrupts my rambling. “First I’m going to take care of you no matter what you say. Second, what happened yesterday?”

“My dad saw us kiss, probably through the kitchen window, and he freaked out. Like yelling and storming off. But in the morning he told me that he wants to meet you, and that I should invite you to dinner tonight.” I let out quickly.

“Ali,” Ash reaches across to put a hand on my thigh, “I will happily go to dinner tonight, no matter how awkward it may be. I’d do anything for you.”

“But you don’t have to go. He’s just going to question you, our decision, and what we are. You shouldn’t have to go through it, especially if I don’t know the answer-” I’m cut off again. This time it’s by Ash’s lips. We stay like that for what feels like hours, moving gently against each other. Her lips swallow all of my worries and anxiety, and for the first time in hours I feel at peace.

We break apart, still connected by our foreheads. I can’t bring myself to say anything but Ash does. She whispers, “Anything for you.”

After practice, my tired legs still manage to bounce uncontrollably. Not even Ash’s hand - interlocked with my own - can calm my persistent nerves. I mean she can’t exactly make the “right” first impression after a two hour practice, dressed in the board shorts and clean shirt she had in her bag. It’s not like I look much better either. I would think my father is going to be his same hard-ass self. Then there’s my mother who will probably try to offset him by being her apprehensively warm self. And with my brother, there is no telling what he would do.

I don’t even have time to think of all the possibilities because Ash is opening my door. I move out of the jeep, muttering a thank you, but I don’t move towards my house. I know if I go into that house I’m risking ending something before it even has a chance to happen. But Ash comes to my side, like it seems she always does, and interlocks our fingers to lead me to the front door.

Just as we make it through the door, to my surprise, my mom is pulling Ash into a hug. “It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she smiles.

“Nice to meet you too ma’am,” Ash greets.

“Very polite, you're already doing better than just about all of the boys Alex brought home,” she smiles. “Now dinner's almost ready but I think you might want to talk to my husband, he’s on the patio. Alex will help me finish up.” 

“I'll get right on that ma’am,” Ash nods, walking to the back door.

My mother makes her way to the kitchen. I follow her but my eyes don’t leave the patio door. My father seems like he’s trying to be civil. I saw then shake hands but now their backs are to the door and I have no idea what’s happening. I only hope that means things are going well. 

Ten minutes later my mother and I finish dinner and set the makeshift table. I’m told to get my brother, so I run up the stairs and bang on his door. I yell something about how dinner is ready and that he better not embarrass me. By the time I’m back downstairs my father, mother, and Ash are already seated at the table. Naturally my father is at the head of the table while my mother sits at the other end. Ash is to her right with an open seat next to her for me, and Kyle will be stuck across from us. 

“Hi honey,” my father greets me as I take my seat. 

“Hi daddy.” I return, hoping to soften him up. 

“Ashlyn was just telling me that your first game is next friday,” he states. 

“Yeah!” Ash smiles, “It’s a big rivalry game against Rockledge. We always seem to play them first and we usually have a really good crowd. Like people have signs, they’re decked out in school colors, and we even have a few kids who paint themselves.” 

“You can sign me up for the body paint!” Kyle cheers, finally taking his seat. “I’ll be all red and have Princess Krieger written across my chest.” 

“UM. No you won’t.” I say seriously, but my lips curl into a smile at my brother’s ridiculousness. 

I can feel myself relaxing and there doesn’t seem to be any tension between my father and Ash. They seem to be getting along better than I could ever have hoped for. As dinner progresses we continue getting to know each other, with my father doing most of the questioning and Ash answering. Then there’s Kyle who makes comments every once in awhile that have everyone laughing. This all feels so natural. 

Once all the food is gone and the talking had died down, Ash and I volunteer to clean up. Most of our stuff is still in Germany so it doesn’t take long to throw away the plastic utensils and paper plates. After putting the leftovers in the fridge Ash and I walk to the patio so Ash can say her goodbyes.

“It was lovely meeting you Mrs. Krieger,” Ash smiles to my mother. 

“Oh honey you can call me Deb,” she smiles and gives Ash a hug. 

Then Ash turns to my father and sticks out her hand, “It was very nice meeting you too Mr. Krieger.” 

My father smiles slightly and takes her hand, “It was nice meeting you too Ashlyn.” To my surprise he bends to whisper something in her ear, making Ash smile and nod confidently. After Ashlyn is released by my father, I walk her out to her jeep. 

“So what did you talk to my dad about?” I question once we walk out the front door.  

“Well after we shook hands he asked me one question,” Ash starts. 

“What question would that be?” I ask. 

“The same one all dads ask. What are your intentions with my daughter?”

“And your answer…”

She smiles as we come to a stop next to her car. “I said my intentions first and foremost are to be there for you. I intend on being a lasting part of your life, as long as you want me of course. Then I said that I would always protect you, and treat you as the princess that you are. And finally I said that simply and genuinely care for you… I wouldn’t be able to breathe without you,” she finishes in a whisper. 

I feel my eyes became misty as launch myself into Ash. I let my arms wrap around her as I bury my face into the crook of her neck. I don’t care that I’m crying and neither does she, she simply holds me tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you guys want to see next?


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah it's been forever. Between school, soccer, and shoulder rehab I'm sorry that I wasn't about to get this out sooner.

The next morning comes and everything feels normal. Ash comes to pick me up like she always does, but this time I find her inside talking with my parents. There’s no yelling or stern looks, only comfortable conversation and laughter that makes my heart swell. Once I’m noticed, Ash trades me a bagel and coffee for my bags and we say our goodbyes. I was prepared for another car ride leaving me gasping for air, but this time we sit and hum along to the radio. Usually the silence is suffocating but now, having Ash’s hand interlocked with mine, it feels comfortable and I feel happy.

There isn’t much to begin with but we dial down the PDA once we get to school. We still find ourselves attached at the hip (whenever possible) and sneaking small touches. When I’m not with Ash all I can think of is how I don’t want to hide that we are actually together, but I realize that will have to wait until we are actually “official”. Even though she has already met and charmed my parents.

Lunch rolls around and I’m excited to be with her again. But she’s not here. So I’m left slightly disappointed, but entertained by the other girls. Pinoe and Syd are arguing with each other about whether or not Syd is late all the time. (The consensus comes to Syd always being late after confirmation stories from HAO and Tobs.) With the argument settled, the girls begin to note Ash’s absence. They start throwing out all kinds of reasons for not being here, ranging from talking to a teacher to being expelled.

“Where do you think she is, Ali?” Syd asks.

“Uh, I’m not sure. But it’s probably something to do with a class.” I shrug.

“Or a someone!” Pinoe practically shouts.

“I don’t think so Pinhead,” HAO laughs and the others agree.

“Come on guys you have to admit she’s been different,” Pinoe reasons.

“Maybe so, but I don’t think she’s seeing anyone,” Tobin offers.

“What do you mean she’s been different?” I question.

“Well on Monday night she was like really out of it. Like I came over to just hang out and play some video games but she couldn’t focus. She even skipped out on our morning surf session,” Tobin explains.

“Yeah and at practice on Tuesday she couldn’t keep her focus. She wasn’t making as many stops as she usually does,” HAO adds.

“But then on Wednesday was the happiest I’ve seen her in a while, like every time I saw her she had that stupid grin on her face,” Syd laughs.

“Exactly! I’m telling you guys there is a someone!” Pinoe exclaims.

“Maybe so but she won’t tell us until she wants to,” Syd reasons.

“Oh… I’ll figure it out.” Pinoe grins mischievously.

“Dude just let her be happy,” Tobin frowns.

The bell halts any other conversation, but it doesn’t stop Pinoe’s drive. I know she is beyond determined to find out if there really is someone in Ash’s life. Honestly if Pinoe thought about it a little more, she could probably conclude that I’m the one that’s making her happy.  Pinoe (being Pinoe) won’t think it through, probably opting instead to hound Ash for answers that won’t come. This is all fine with me, but I know it would only make her happier (and me too) if we cool openly brag about each other.

After all our classes are over Ash and I walk to the locker room together. I give her a warning her about Pinoe’s prying but she shrugs it off.

The fitness filled practice doesn’t really give Pinoe much time to start her prying. I would say I’m thankful if we weren’t running Reverse Indian Runs around the two practice fields. I’m already breathing heavily by the time it’s my turn to sprint. At least we run in two lines so I have a partner who’s suffering with me. Unfortunately for me, my partner is Kelley and I’m struggling to keep pace on the sprint.

By the time practice is over I’m dead tired and find myself unable to get off the ground. With a little convincing, I manage to get Ash to give me a piggyback ride to the locker room. She feigns annoyance but seeing that everyone is already in the locker room, I press a kiss to her cheek where her dimple would be and it appears in seconds.

The ride home returns to more of the off-key singing that usually fills the jeep, and leaves me with a smile on my face even as I climb into bed. As my eyes grow heavy all I can think about is how today felt to easy. How this is one of the rare days where my mind isn’t riddled with the stress of anxiety and it’s all thanks to Ash.

It’s finally Friday and I have a date, a real date with Ash. I wake up excited and nervous. There’s even a twinge of anxiety but it melts away as soon as I see Ash’s smile. She’s in the kitchen when I come down stairs, listening to my mom telling one of the many embarrassing the stories from Germany.

“You should have seen little Alex,” my mom laughs. “Apparently her and Kyle were had a bet on who could finish the course first. She was doing well until she got to this twisted latter that was maybe fifty feet off the ground, but there were no trees under it so all you could see was the drop-”

“Annnddd I would have won too… if I hadn’t looked down and froze,” I interject.

“So how’d you get down if you froze?” Ash smirks.

“That’s the best part!” My mom laughs even harder, “It took three park workers, her father, and Kyle to pry her off the ladder.”

“Wow Ali,” Ash snickers.

“Whatever… Bye Mom. Let’s go Ash.” I roll my eyes, but grab Ash’s hand and lead her out the front door.

“Bye Deb!” Ash calls over her shoulder.

On the ride to school my excitement for later on doesn’t fade. “Sooo…” I start.

“So.” Ash repeats.

“We have a date tonight.”

“Correct Princess.”

“So can I know anything about it?”

“Nope.”

“Whyyy nooot?” I whine.

“Fine you can know that I’m taking you home after practice. And you have an hour and a half to get re-”

“That’s not enough time to get ready,” I pout.

“Sorry Princess we are on a timeline. And you can dress however you like, as long as you don’t mind getting sand on your clothes.” Ash smirks and pulls into her parking space.

“So it’s a beach date?”

“Yes it is, but that’s all you’re getting out of me.”

“Fine.” I pout, but it doesn’t last long. Ash moves her hand to my cheek to pull me in for a lingering kiss.

“Now let’s get to class,” she whispers against my lips.

The rest of the day flies by. My first few classes are a blur. It only seems to slow when lunch rolls around, but not by much. It’s the usual bickering, between Pinoe and Syd. But attention gets diverted back to the lack of Ash’s presence. Then the argument is again centered around if Ash has found a girl. Pinoe and Syd actually agree that she found someone, while Tobs and HAO aren’t convinced. I lie in the middle, deflecting questions and never giving a straight answer. I figure they will probably find out soon enough, but I do want to know what Ash is doing during lunch. The blur continues with the rest of my classes. Even practice seems to speed up. Before I know it, I’m back at my house.

The first thing I do is rush upstairs, throwing my bag into my room and jumping into the shower. I try to keep the time at around fifteen minutes, but when I step out of the shower I see that I’ve lost thirty. Thankfully I already picked out a light blue printed A-line dress. Now I all I need to do is dry my hair and put on my makeup. That process takes almost forty minutes. I even make Kyle sit in the bathroom with me to make sure everything looks good. Plus he calms some of my nerves.

Before I know it the doorbell rings. I’m rushing to my room and grabbing my simple leather flip flops. I try not to face plant on my way down the stairs, and thankfully I make it. I even make it there before my parents get out of the kitchen. I gather myself and open the door.

“Hi,” I smile. It’s Ash. I take in her dark skinny jeans, ends rolled slightly, with a white button up rolled to her elbows. She’s beautiful.

“Hey… beautiful,” she breathes out.

_ That’s you, _ I think but mumble a “thanks” nonetheless.

In return she holds out her hand and flashes her dimpled grin, “You ready for the best date ever?”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” I giggle and take her hand.

She leads me to her jeep where she opens my door and sneaks a peck on my cheek. Then she jogs around to the driver’s side of the car and we start our drive to some unknown location. Well, unknown to me, and Ash seems determined to keep it that way.

Twenty minutes later Ash pulls into the parking lot of a restaurant called San on the Beach. The building nearly looks like a converted motel and dons a light red and yellow exterior with white trim. The second story holds rows of windows that probably show a fantastic view of the water. Below I can see more tables and a bar in the open air through what I think is the entrance.  

“Um Princess, I don’t know about you but I’m starved.” Ash says, offering through the already opened car door.

“Oh… sorry.” I offer, slightly embarrassed that I’m always lost in thought.

Ash gives me a warm smile and intertwines our fingers after she closes my door. She leads me to the entrance of the restaurant. From here I can see that the place isn’t very busy. She continues to lead me to the end of the deck soft music playing in the background, until we reach our table in the corner. It’s perfect. Unlike the all the other tables, this one is dressed in a white tablecloth and accented with red hibiscus flowers in pale blue sea glass bottles. To top it off, dozens of candles are scattered on and around the table, bathing it in the same orange hue as the setting sun.

“This is beautiful,” I smile and take my seat on the beach wood bench.

Ash flashes a proud grin across from me, “I’m glad you like it. It took me hours to get everything just right.”

“Hours?”

“Yeah, hours… I was cutting lunch to come here and plan everything for our date. I was helping clean up too, and in exchange the owner would keep the deck quiet for us.”

I don’t have any words for her. So I reach across the table and her hands in my own, squeezing it firmly to express the emotions I can’t put into words. We stay like that for a while, until a waiter comes out with two plates of shrimp scampi and glasses of water. The food is fantastic and reminds me of the frequent trips to Naples my family took. This plus the playful small talk between me and Ash makes me feel at home.

Once our plates are cleaned, we sit and talk for a while longer. We bask the breeze that comes with the sky turning to a shade of deep navy, until faintly familiar piano riff fills the deck. Ash stands and offers me her hand, “Dance with me?”

I hesitantly accept, knowing that without any alcohol I have two left feet. But as Ash hums the lyrics I rest my head in the crook of her neck, relaxing into her and following her swaying.

“You know this is the first real date I’ve ever been on,” I realize. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, now that I think about it no one has ever taken me on a date. I mean, I’ve had people buy me drinks before but they just wanted to hook up”

Ash holds me a little tighter. “Well Princess, I’m honored and happy to be your first real date.”

“I’m happy too,” I smile. 

“And I promise to treat you like the princess you are… always.”  

I nuzzle into her neck even further, “Can you please stop being so perfect?”

“Sorry Alex, but you can’t turn this charm off.” She chuckles. 

I roll my eyes, “I was wrong, you aren’t perfect. Your head is massive.” 

All I get in return is a small laugh as we continue to sway in the candle light. If I couldn’t feel Ash’s heartbeat, then I could have sworn this all was a dream. A dream of a home. A place where I’m loved and accepted, where I’m safe. It’s what I have been looking for in all of our moves. I have to make it permanent. 

I move to hold her gaze. “Be my girlfriend…” I mumble.

“What?”

I shift nervously. “I asked if you wanted to-”

The biggest smile I have ever seen spreads across Ash’s face, “Of course.”

A nose crinkling grin breaks on to my own face. I rise to my tiptoes to kiss her. My arms tighten around her neck while hers circle my waist. Our lips move in synchronization until air becomes necessary. When I pull away, I open my eyes to a stupid grin similar to my own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? It's easier to write when I hear from you guys.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah did not expect to take forever, but you know school and all that. I'm still not done, but only ten more days right? Enjoy!

The next day brings our stuff, which we haven’t seen since June. By stuff, I mean just about everything we have ever owned stuffed into six shipping crates. This is all mounted onto one truck and is currently parked in front of our house, taking up about half the street. The company told us that it was going to come around Wednesday, but we aren’t complaining that it came early.

I throw on a pair of athletic shorts and pull Ash’s white cut off over my sports bra. I also put my hair up in a messy bun, grab my glasses, and shove my phone into the waistband of my shorts to complete my lazy look. Apparently I was taking too long to get dressed, because Kyle meets me at the top of the stairs, “B hurry up, I am not carrying your whole crate of shit to your room.”

I roll my eyes, “I do not have a whole crate of shit, Ky.”

“Yeah and you also don’t like girls,” he teases and runs before I’m able to smack his arm.

I settle with rolling my eyes and follow him down the stairs. So far, only half of one crate has been unloaded. It’s only eight in the morning but I know our day probably won’t be over until maybe ten tonight, and even then would only have the essentials unpacked. With this in mind, I start bringing the boxes labeled “kitchen” inside to my mom.

I’m interrupted by a buzz from my phone. It’s Ash.  _ Hey beautiful. You wanna do something today? _

I smile.  _ I’d love to, but our stuff came today. Sooo I’m spending my whole day unpacking. _

_ So… I’ll be there in ten. _

Again I’m rolling my eyes.  _ You don’t need to come over!!! _

_ Maybe so, but I want to come over. I’ll even bring coffee. _

_ I guess if there’s coffee involved…. _

_ Great! I’ll be over in a few ;) _

True to her word, ten minutes later Ash is walking up my driveway with two cups of coffee. I meet her halfway, taking one of the cups and planting a chaste kiss on her lips. “Thank you,” I smile.

“Anything for my  _ girlfriend _ ,” she says, grinning back at me.

“CAN YOU TWO STOP BEING ADORABLE AND START UNPACKING!” Kyle yells, standing at the top of the driveway.

Ash giggles at Kyle while a mischievous smile finds its way to my face. Ash notices and raises her eyebrow at me. To answer her questioning face, I rise on my toes to connect our lips again. It starts slow and innocent until I swipe my tongue across her bottom lip. Ash eagerly grants me access and our kiss becomes heated. All the while I'm flipping off Kyle.

He makes a gagging noise at us and yells, “MOMM ALI IS BEING GROSS WITH ASHLYN!”

This time I giggle, breaking the kiss.

The rest of the day is spent unpacking. There are a few stolen touches and a lot teasing. It’s mainly from Kyle but Ash gets her fair share. Mostly centering on how many boxes I have her carrying to my room. Every time I roll my eyes and remind her that I am a princess. When the sun starts to set, Ash leaves for her own house despite my pouting. After she leaves, all I want to do is pass out in my bed (which was thankfully the first thing we had put back together). 

For the first time in four months, I fall asleep in my own bed.

Only about half of our stuff is unpacked when Monday morning rolls around. I’m happy that I get a break. After a while the boxes seem to become endless, and Sunday dragged on without Ash. I missed her playful teasing but most of all I missed her questions. She had one about almost every item we pulled out of the boxes from our kukui nut leis to our German beer steins. Now she’s making me even happier by greeting me with coffee and muffins her grandma made.

“Ash there are soo good,” I say around a mouthful of the pastry.

“Glad you think so,” Ash chuckles. “But we need to get going Princess.”

“Fiinnee,” I whine.

Ash rolls her eyes, but grabs my bag and opens the front door for me. Outside, she opens the passenger door for me too, so I plant a thankful peck on her cheek.  The ride to school is quiet. It’s not exactly awkward but it isn’t as comfortable as it should be. Ash isn’t humming or singing like usual. Even her hand resting on my thigh feels slightly tense. It’s not until we park that Ash finally says something.

“How do you wanna, like, approach today?”

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“I mean like, us, how do you want to do things around school? The team?” Ash clarifies.

“Is this why you’ve been so quiet?”

“Well kinda,” she sighs. Her fingers dance nervously on the steering wheel, like she doesn’t know what do with them. “I don’t want to overwhelm you. I don’t want you to regret this.”

“Hey.” I whisper, grabbing her restless hands. “Ash I can assure you that I don’t regret this. I asked for it. And I want everyone to know that you're mine.”

A dimpled smile spreads across her face, “That’s all I ever wanted.”

I smile back and lean towards her for a kiss. Ash hums happily and the vibrations have me giggling as I pull away.

“Do you wanna start small and tell the girls at lunch?” Ash asks.

“I do want to tell them, maybe let them figure it out for themselves and then we can confirm it.”

Ash raises an eyebrow. “I’m fine with whatever, but why would we do that Princess?”

“Well, when you were cutting lunch the girls were speculating on what’s changed with you.”

“And what did they come up with?”

“They all agreed that you’d been acting different. How you seemed out of it Monday night and Tuesday, but then on Wednesday you the happiest they’ve seen you in a while. Pinoe and Syd think that it’s someone who’s making you happy, but Tobs and HAO don’t agree. So to prove them wrong, Pinoe said she was gonna figure out who it was.”

“Ohh,” Ash says. “That’s why you told me I might receive and interrogation from Pinoe.”

“Yup. And I’m pretty sure they are gonna question you today. I want to see them piece it all together... I don’t know if I can handle a whole big announcement. I… I want everyone to know you’re mine, but this is all so new.” My voice sounds tentative, overly so. I can’t even look Ash in the eyes, so I keep my gaze trained on our intertwined hands.

Ash gives my hands a tight squeeze then asks, “Alex, can you please look at me?”

I raise my head and I’m met with her understanding hazel eyes. I instantly feel calmer. “I want to do this however you feel comfortable. We do not have to make a big announcement. We can answer as people ask. I know this is hard, but I’m here to support you,” Ash soothes, placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand.

Again I’m left amazed at how considerate  _ my _ girlfriend is, so much so that I don’t even realize “You’re amazing,” tumbles out.

Ash’s understanding eyes brighten and her dimple comes out on full display, “Well Princess I think you’re absolutely perfect.”

Lunch comes sooner than expected and Ash reclaims her spot next to me. When everyone else makes it to the table, Ash slips her hand into my own. It goes unnoticed, mostly because other girls are caught off guard by Ash actually being here. 

We don’t even make it a minute into the period before Pinoe fires her first question.

“Sooo Miss Flaky… where ya been?”

Ash doesn’t miss a beat, “I was helping out at Sand on the Beach.”

“Duuudddee,” Tobin groans. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could use the extra cash.”

“Because I wasn’t actually working for money, I was working to get a favor.” Ash explains.

At this Pinoe raises an eyebrow, intrigued. “What kind of favor Ash?”

When Ash hesitates with her answer, I give her hand a squeeze, telling her that it’s okay.

“I needed a place for a date.”

“HA I TOLD ALL YOU BITCHES THAT IT WAS A SOMEONE!!!” Pinoe screams as soon as the words leave Ash’s mouth, earning our table the attention of the whole cafeteria.

“Pinoe stop causing a scene!” HAO scolds.

“HAO you know that wasn’t even a scene. I’ll show you a scene.” Pinoe grins and starts climbing onto the lunch table.

Thankfully Syd grabs Pinoe before she can fully stand and yanks her back to her seat. “Pinoe! Sit your ass down,” Syd whisper yells.

“Fine,” Pinoe huffs. “But let’s get back to Ash’s date, do we know her?”

“Dude, she doesn’t have to tell us.” Tobin interjects.

“Thank you Tobs.” Ash agrees. I give her hand another squeeze, telling her to answer the question. “But, yes, you do know her.”

“Is she on the team?” Pinoe questions.

Again, I squeeze her hand. “Yeah she is,” Ash answers.

“Ash please tell me it’s not one of the freshmen,” Syd rolls her eyes.

“No. She is  _ not _ a freshman.” Ash answers with slight offense.

“Then who would it be?” HAO wonders out loud.

“It’s Ali.” Tobin states and the entire table goes silent. 

Everyone aims an expectant expression in my direction. I feel sick under their stares My head is spinning and I’m shaking. My chest is tight, making it impossible to slow my racing heart. Just this raises my body temperature, to the point where I’m sweating. The cafeteria suddenly becomes the louder than any bass pounding club and it just keeps getting louder. I have to get out. Before I even know what’s happening I’m running out of the cafeteria towards the bathroom. It’s quiet, but that doesn’t stop anything else my body is doing. In an attempt to regain myself I go to the sink and splash water on my face. It helps, until I hear footsteps enter the bathroom.

“Alex? Are you okay?” Ash whispers.

I turn off the sink and move to wrap my arms around Ash’s neck. “I’m sorry,” I mumble into the crook of her neck.

In return she wraps her arms around my middle and holds me tight. “It’s okay Princess.”

“I… I thought I was ready… then out of nowhere this hits me. I couldn't handle being in there anymore. My head was spinning, I couldn't breathe…. Fuck, I hate myself.”

“Hey!” Ash scolds and moves so she’s looking me in the eyes. “Alex, don’t you ever say that. You are perfect. It’s fine that you may not be ready, this is all new. It’s okay to be scared, but know that I’m here.”  

“You’re the one that’s perfect.” I choke out, and bury myself in her chest again. After a few moments I can feel my heart slowing and my chest loosening.

Ash presses a kiss to my temple. “Do you want to go back in? Or I could just get our bags.”

“We should go back.” I answer with conviction.

Ash nods, reaching for my hand. She interlocks our fingers and presses a kiss to my knuckles. I give her the most confident smile I can muster, which isn’t much. We walk back into the lunchroom with our fingers still laced together. Besides our table, no one notices, and I’m thankful for that. I’m even more thankful when we get to the table and I’m met with understanding smiles. They don’t mention anything else about Ash and I, instead conversation focuses on Friday’s game. But I know I should get the conversation over with.

“Yes it’s me,” I blurt out with no idea how to start.

“What do you mean Ali?” HAO asks.

“I’m the… the reason Ash has been acting different,” I stutter out. I get no answer. Instead I get encouraging looks to elaborate, but I only find the courage to continue when Ash squeezes my hand. “After I found out I made the team, Ash suggested we celebrate. Well that celebration ended with me freaking out after this one,” I gesture to Ash, “kissed me. But after a talk with my brother I realized that I like as more than a friend too. So the next day I kissed her and Ash asked me out on a date.”

“The best date ever!” Ash happily interjects.

“Yes,” I smile at her. “The best date ever… so great that I asked her to be my girlfriend. By some amazing feat she said yes…”

“She’d be an idiot not to!” Pinoe pipes up, cutting the heavy air surrounding the table and causing everyone to laugh. “But seriously Ali we’re happy for you guys,” Pinoe smiles.

“Yeah it’s about time Ash finds an awesome girl,” HAO adds and Tobin nods in agreement.

“Hey I’m pretty sure I’m the catch here,” Ash feigns offense.

“You are a catch,” I giggle and peck her cheek.

To this Syd makes a gagging noise, “You two are gonna be sickeningly sweet.”

With that the bell rings and I feel lighter. I hadn’t noticed it before, but there was a weight. Now that it’s gone, I feel free. I feel confident being with Ash. Now it’s time to focus on Friday’s game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So post game party? Thoughts? Suggestions?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this took me forever, and I really can't say that my life will be slowing down any time soon. Please be patient and thank you for keeping with me. If you were wondering I do real all the comments.

We tell the rest of the team later that day. Before practice, Ash and I walk into the cramped room, fingers intertwined. We both look to Syd to cut the music, which effectively put everyone’s attention on us. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out, so I do the only thing I could think of; I turn towards Ash and kiss her.

The room explodes with catcalls and cheers. I even hear a few girls yell “I knew it!” This has me smiling as I pull away from Ash. The happiness carries into practice and rest of the week.

 

 

On Friday morning I follow my mantra of look good, feel good, play good. My alarm rings and I’m practically bouncing into the bathroom to get ready. I don’t know if I’m more excited that the girls decided to dress up for the first game or just to dress up. When I come out, I don a white sundress adorned with a floral blue design. My hair falls around my shoulders and my makeup is light and natural. After I find my strappy sandals (which for whatever reason were in Kyle’s room) and pack my school, soccer, and overnight bag I make my way downstairs.

Like always, Ash is in the kitchen with my mom. They’re talking so Ash doesn’t notice when I come doesn’t the stairs. I take the opportunity to take her all in. She’s in black doc martens with black skinny jeans and a short sleeved, collared black shirt with small white hearts. She finishes her outfit with a slim maroon tie and a short gold chain. Her blonde hair spills in natural waves over her shoulders and down her back. Her makeup is simple, highlighting her natural beauty.

“Good morning beautiful.” Ash smirks, catching me staring. My mom rolls her eyes and leaves the kitchen to unpack more boxes somewhere else in the house.

“Good morning,” I reply, blushing slightly. I ignore Ash’s cocky smirk and go straight for the coffee pot. I busy myself pouring and mixing my coffee just how I like it. Just before I put the lid on my thermos, I feel arms slip around my waist.

“You are so damn gorgeous.” Ash breaths, resting her head on my shoulder.

“I could say the same thing to you,” I turn in her arms and rest my own around her neck, “but then your head might explode.”

“But would you have it any other way?” Ash asks.

“Nope,” I pop my ‘p’ and lean forward to peck the corner of Ash’s mouth. I turn around to finish making my coffee, but Ash’s arms don’t leave my waist. She tightens her embrace and her head reclaims its spot on my shoulder. I lean into her, savoring the feeling.

 

 

Eventually we make it to school. The whole building is buzzing. Almost everyone sports red for the game tonight. It’s great. In Germany the schools were small and the sports supported each other (most of the time), but it wasn’t anything like this. There wasn’t the whole school supporting the girl’s team. Since we held a dynasty, we were expected to win. The other sports teams - the underdogs - got support. But here in Florida, it doesn’t matter that our soccer program usually does well. Everyone wants us to win, which makes us want to win even more.

This is the attitude that fills the locker room before the game. I opt for my usual spot in the corner with my headphones in, while most of the other girls are singing and dancing. I’ve already changed into my pristine (well, after some aggressive washing) white kit. After finding out that one of the strikers, Amy, braids hair, I had her do my hair and then pulled it into a tight bun. Now I’m sitting on the bench, pulling on my left sock then my right. I lace up my boots the same way.

I’m done early, so I sit. While sitting, I become nervous. I’ve felt a slight nervousness all day but I hadn’t really noticed until now. It’s not the minor leg bouncing nerves, it’s nerves to where my hands are shaking and my stomach is churning. As minutes tick by, I start sweating and my chest tightens. I slam my eyes shut and try to focus on my music and hopefully slow my breathing. It’s not working.

I jump when someone grabs my hands. My eyes fly open, but are met with a crouching Ash. She’s clad in her lime green keeper jersey and black shorts. Her hair is pulled back into a high ponytail and she doesn’t have her cleats on. She reaches to my ear to pull out one of my ear buds. “Alex, are you okay?” She asks with nothing but concern.

“I… uh… I’m… nervous,” I choke out.

“Alex,” Ash chuckles, “being nervous is okay. Hell I’m nervous. Terrified actually. But at the end of the day the only thing you have to prove is that you left everything on the pitch. Which I know won’t be a problem for a fantastic player like you.”

I sigh still feeling my nerves but finding my voice. “I know that’s all that matters… I don’t know I’m just scared. If I even play tonight, I have to prove myself not only to our team but the whole school.”

“First, I am more than sure you are gonna play tonight. Second, you already proved yourself to the team.” Ash reminds me as she stands, and pulls me to the same position. “And third, who fucking cares about the rest of the school,” Ash laughs.

I giggle at her words. I can feel myself relaxing because Ash does have a point. I rise onto my toes, wrapping my arms around her neck, and pull Ash into an appreciative hug. “Thank you.”

 

 

_I’m starting; I’m fucking starting._ We get the lineup in the team huddle two minutes before kickoff. Now I’m under the stadium lights, in front of the entire school, trying to keep myself from freaking out. It doesn’t help that Coach switched my positions. I’m playing right back. It’s not much of a change but it is a different dynamic. I’m expected to get into the attack rather than hang back and direct play. In some ways I’m given more freedom, but I also have to be careful and not get caught forward.

The whistle blows. Alex and Syd kick off, immediately sending the ball backwards to Tobin. The other team is pressing, so Tobin switches the field, crossing the ball to HAO on the right flank. As soon as the ball hits HAO’s foot, I’m making an overlapping run. I don’t even realize it until I look down and see the ball at my own feet. I can feel the opposing outside back and mid closing in on me. There are no easy passes. HAO is being cut off by the outside mid and Tobin is being man marked. The other center mid, Moe, is pulled too far to the other side of the field. So I do the only other thing I can think of and cross it. I can’t see where Syd and Alex are running, so I send the ball in low and hard. The ball heads for the top of the six. It passes the front post and Syd’s run is late, but the keeper can’t come out for the ball so the other team has to rely on its center backs. I see one of the center backs in the path of the ball but she misjudges it and the ball slips through. I think that the other center is going to clean it up, until Alex steps in the front of her and I hear the ball hit the back of the net. Everyone is screaming, on the field and off. Alex wraps me in a tight hug yelling “FUCK YEAH!” in my ear. As I trot back to my starting position, my eyes find Ash. She gives me a wide dimpled smile and a small round of applause. Now I’m calm.

It lasts until the thirty-second minute. Possession had been in favor of Satellite High School, and even resulted in more chances on goal. But we hadn’t finished any of them, and now Rockledge has possession. They’re stringing together passes, but they all stay around mid-field. That is, until one of the Rockledge center backs sprays a ball out wide. It’s on my side and a leading ball, so I figure that I’ll just have to shield it out. I’m wrong (like, _really wrong)_. The ball dies in the grass about a foot from the end line and now it’s a race. The outside mid takes off and she’s fast. I end up a step behind her, unable to catch up. As she closes in on the ball, I throw myself to the ground, sliding. I can feel the dry grass rubbing the skin off my leg but that doesn’t matter. What does matter is that I made it just in time. The mid’s cross is blocked and the crowd erupts again.

Now we have to defend a corner. Ash is calling out marks and setting up her box. She has me at front post. I stand my ground as the ball flies in. The service is nearly perfect, an in swinger that falls right outside the six. One of the taller Rockledge girls connects with a thud. I stay on the post, frozen, and the ball rockets towards my head. I know closing my eyes is wrong but I can’t help it. When you know you are about to get a concussion you try to ignore the inevitable.

Only it doesn’t happen. There is a thud, but it’s from Ash hitting the ground. She has the ball. I’m guessing that she dove and just saved my ass. Now she’s yelling for people to get up and out of the box. Ash sees Alex with one lone defender and sends the ball her direction. Thankfully she’s on the left side of the field, giving me a break. I look back at Ash. She has the smuggest grin plastered on her face effectively communicating that I owe her for saving me. I roll my eyes and refocus on the game.

After half time, Rockledge comes out with a new fire. They are able to keep possession easily and are getting shots off. Most of them are on frame, but none actually find the back of the net. We are finally able to subdue their attack when Kelley interrupts a sideline pass. Kelley then finds Moe who switches the field by sending the ball to the right corner. Somehow HAO is able to keep the ball in bounds, but is faced with a defender almost immediately. She drop the ball to me and I look up to find the deep run of Tobin. She cuts and dances with the ball, but finds herself gaining no ground so she sends it outside for Pinoe. Before anyone is ready, Pinoe sends in a cross. It’s low and hard, causing it to bounce outside of the six. Eventually it falls to Syd’s feet and she buries it, 2-0.

The second goal must have deflated Rockledge, because that’s how the game ends. As soon as the ref blows the whistle, the crowd explodes and everyone is running towards Ash. (Yes, the goals are important but without defense you’ve already lost the game.) We all dog pile, falling to the ground in a sweaty heap. When everyone gets off the ground, we shake our opponents’ hands and are given proud words from coach. As I walk away from the huddle and towards the stands, Ash rests her arm over my shoulders.

“You know you owe me right?” Ash smirks.

I roll my eyes but before I can actually answer Kyle is yelling. “ALEXANDRA KRIEGER YOU WERE FUCKING AMAZING!”

“Kyle! Language.” My mother scolds. “But Alex you did play great. So did you Ash.”

“Thanks mom,” I giggle. I lean over the safety bar and wrap them both in a hug. When I let go my dad immediately pulls me into a strong embrace.

“I am so proud of you. I knew you could do it,” he breaths.

I bury myself deeper into his chest. “Thanks daddy.”

 

 

We pull into Ash’s driveway. Her house sits right on the beach, and is slimmer than normal but it’s two stories tall. The exterior wears a pale faded blue with white trim and a sandy brown roof. To the right of the house there’s a road that leads into the beach, it’s already lined with what I assume are the girls cars. My suspicions are confirmed when we walk up to the front door and I can hear them talking and laughing inside.

“ASHHH!” Pinoe yells as soon as the door opens. “Where have you been? We wanna celebrate!”

“Well hello to you too Pinhead,” Ash rolls her eyes. “Just take the girls and whatever you brought, out to the beach and I’ll be out there in a few.”

“Yes sir!” Pinoe salutes.

I giggle at her antics while Ash rolls her eyes again. After Pinoe walks off Ash turns and grabs my hand, “I want you to meet someone.”

I nod and let Ash lead me through the living room and to the left of the kitchen. We stop at a closed door and Ash knocks. A few seconds later I hear a small “Come in.” Ash smiles at me while her hand goes to the handle, but all I can muster is a small nervous smile in return. Ash squeezes my hand and pulls me into the room.

“Ashy!” An excited voice calls as we enter the room.

“Grams!” Ash calls back, and goes to hug her grandmother. Once Ash pulls away, she moves so that I’m in view. “I have someone I want you to meet,” Ash smiles at me, “This is the girl I’ve told you about. My girlfriend, Ali.”

“Hi it’s nice to finally meet you,” I smile and stick my hand out.

“Oh dear none of that,” she scoffs and holds her arms out for a hug.

I oblige, albeit hesitantly. But as soon as her arms close around me, all inhibitions leave my body. I melt into her welcoming embrace. She feels like home. “Thank you for making Ashy so happy,” she murmurs.

“Believe me, it’s the least I could do,” I whisper back. “She makes me happier than you could ever imagine.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do we want the actual party to go? other thoughts? suggestions? Fav parts of this chapter?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been MIA for like ever. Moving is difficult, getting back into shape is hard, everything just difficult. I don't know if I'll get out another chapter any time soon but enjoy this one.

“Now go have fun, dear,” Grams says. “And make sure my little Ashy doesn’t get into any trouble.”

“You have my word,” I say with a smile.

“Goodnight Grams,” Ash waves. Her hand drops to grab mine as she leads me outside.

A cool breeze laced with smoke hits me as we walk across the sand. Looking ahead, I can see everyone huddled around a small bonfire about a hundred yards from the house. To my surprise, there are more than just the girls. There’s actually a larger bonfire a few yards away surrounded by dozens of people. Cars are lining the far end of the beach. It looks like half of the people who were at the game are on the beach - judging by the fact that most are still adorned in school spirit gear. I can hear everyone laughing and music in the background. There’s an absurd amount of red cups being passed around (probably alcohol) and it takes me a second to mask my surprise. Normally in season drinking is frowned upon, but I guess we have to celebrate an opening win.

A few yards from our fire, I stop Ash, forcing her to face me. “I thought you said it was only going to be the girls. I wanted a fun quiet night with you.”

“Well I thought it was, but I guess one of the girls let it slip. I still plan on spending my whole night with you though.” She has the biggest lopsided grin that brings a nose crinkling smile to my face. “You know you’re amazing,” Ash states dreamily.

“I think you may have said it a few times.” I reply, bringing my hands to her neck and playing with her baby hairs.

Ash’s hands find my hips and draw me closer. “And I will always say it,” she whispers a hair’s breadth away from my lips before closing the almost nonexistent gap.

I happily reciprocate and we stay this way for a while. Or at least it feels like a while. Just when I work up the confidence to swipe my tongue across Ash’s bottom lip someone shouts, “Hey lovebirds, the party is over here!”

We reluctantly break apart with matching goofy grins. Ash yells back, “We’re coming!”

Ash leans in for another kiss but I playfully dodge her advances. I leave her stunned while I start walking. I only get a few feet away before Ash is throwing her arms around my middle. I’m in a fit of giggles until Ash’s breath hits my neck, sending chills down my spine. “Don’t think I forgot. You still owe me Princess.”

Now is the one that Ash walks off with confidence while I’m left surprised. By the time I gather myself, Ash has already taken a seat by the fire. I walk to her and she holds out a beer. I happily take the bottle. There is an open space next to Ash (absolutely intended for me) but I opt to plop down in her lap.

“Umf… A little warning next time,” Ash chastises.

I giggle and lean into her, “There’s no fun in that.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Ash mumbles into my shoulder, her arm snaking around my waist.

“Are you two done being disgusting?” Syd interrupts.

“Not even close.” Ash smirks and kisses my flushed cheek. This elicits gagging noises from the team.

“Well, be done. Cause we wanna get a dancin’.” Pinoe points to the larger fire.

“BUT FIRST SHOTS!” Syd yells. She’s stumbling around the fire with a bottle of tequila in one hand and a stack of plastic shot glasses in the other. Syd spills more liquor than she gets in the cups, but eventually everyone has a shot filled to the brim. No one drinks right away. Instead, everyone looks to HAO (our captain) expectantly.

HAO rolls her eyes but stands, holding her shot high above her head. “Here’s to a great start of the season. LET’S GO KICK SOME ASS GIRLS!”

Everyone breaks into cheers and we all down our shots. Before I even know what’s happening Syd is moving around the fire again. Somehow she managed to find another bottle of tequila (even though we hadn’t finished the first) and is coming around for refills (thankfully keeping most of it in the cup this time). This time no one hesitates to down the clear liquid, which only encourages Syd to keep pouring. By the time the bottle is empty, I’ve had maybe five shots all together and my beer is almost gone. So I’m more than a little tipsy. I’m pretty sure she has had more to drink than I have. As it turns out, now that we are together, Ash gets a little handsy when she’s drunk. I’m constantly swatting away her advances.

“Okay!” Pinoe yells, getting everyone’s attention. “If Ash can  _ stop _ groping her girlfriend, let’s all move to the other fire and get our dance on.”  

“Don’t worry she’ll stop.” I answer warningly. Ash pouts. I roll my eyes, but peck her cheek to bring back that goofy grin I love. I stand and pull Ash to her feet. We follow the other girls to the mass of people around the speaker. More than a few of the girls break off to find their significant others or at least potential ones for the night, while the rest of the girls opt to dance with each other.

Ash and I stay close to the team. I throw my arms around her shoulders and start to sway my hips to the beat. I expect to feel her hands on my hips, but there’s nothing. She’s not even moving. “Hey,” I pout. “Why aren’t you dancing with me?”

“I thought you wanted me to stop groping you.” Ash challenges.

I roll my eyes at her. If she wants to play this game, then I’ll play.

I rise up on my toes and lean into her ear, “Well I lied.” Ash shivers in response which only serves to egg me on. I trail feather light kisses down her jawline and onto her neck. As I close in on her pulse point, I hear her breath hitch. I know she’s going to cave no matter what I do next, so I stop. I pull away from her body. I remove my arms from her neck and turn around. With my back to Ash, I look for one of the girls who will dance with me. But my search doesn’t last long.

Two hands find my waist and pull me backwards into her body. “You can’t just leave me like that,” Ash husks.

Her heart is thumping in her chest as she leaves open-mouthed kisses on my neck. When I gasp, I can feel her smirk against my skin. I know I can’t let her win (I’d never hear the end of it). So I grind my butt into her hips, hard enough that Ash would have fallen on her ass if her grip hadn’t tightened on my hips. I continue dance, a little more… aggressive than I normally would because I can tell Ash is enjoying herself (and because I’m reaching a point that’s a bit past tipsy). After a handful of songs, the dancing crowd begins to thin out as people break off to pass out or hook up. Ash and I decide that we need more liquor and leave the bigger bonfire for our smaller one. Apparently all the other girls had the same idea because just about the whole soccer team is around there too.

“Game time bitchaches!” Pinoe shouts. “As a tradition that I just started… freshmeat first. So Moe! Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Moe says.

A devilish grin dances onto Pinoe’s face. Apparently I’m not the only one that notices because HAO speaks up, “Go easy on the freshie Pinoe.”

Pinoe rolls her eyes, “Finee… I dare you to ding-dong-ditch the house at the end of the street.”

Moe puts up no protest because she knows there’s no way of getting out of an easy dare. So the whole team wanders (stumbles) down the street to the targeted house. All the lights are out, but there’s a car in the driveway so someone must be home. Moe walks up to the door while the rest of us hide behind the bushes that line the small yard. We all have our phones out as Moe’s hand raises to the doorbell.  _ FLICK!  _ The whole yard is flooded with light. We all groan in pain, blinking our eyes to adjust. Someone jerks at my arm and I fall to the ground with a thud. Through the leaves I can see that Moe is frozen at the door. Her eyes are wide, mouth agape, and hand almost touching the door.

“HARRIS!”  A gruff voice barks, “You have one minute to get everyone off my property before-”

I don’t hear the end of his threat. My arm is being pulled and we’re all running. I hear screaming and giggling. I’m just trying to focus on not faceplanting, which is almost impossible with the loss of light. When I eventually look up, I see that I’m in the back of the pack and Ash is the one holding my hand. We only have a few more yards until the fire. I start giggling too, until I see someone drop in the front of the group. From there it’s like a wave. We all tumble to the ground in a heap of tangled limbs and giggles.

“Dammit Kell! All you had to do was stay on your fucking feet till we got to the fire.” I hear Alex’s familiar rasp.

“Hey! I just saved everyone from perishing in a fire. I’m like Jesus. Sooo your ungrateful ass is welcome,” Kelley retorts.

Everyone but Alex laughs at Kelley’s reasoning. Eventually we untangle ourselves and reclaim our previous seats around the fire. Instead of shots, bottles of beer are being passed around. When everyone is comfortable Moe speaks up, “So do I get to pick someone now?”

Pinoe is the first to answer, “That’s a negative ghost rider.”

“But why not?” Moe whines.

“Because you didn’t actually ding-dong-ditch that house.” Pinoe says.

Moe grumbles but she knows there’s no fighting it, especially since she’s a freshman.

“Now that that’s settled… Ali!” Pinoe grins. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” I fire back, too far gone to realize that I’m volunteering for embarrassment by Pinoe.

I feel Ash’s arm around my waist tighten. “Be nice,” Ash warns.

Pinoe isn’t fazed. She knows Ash won’t actually do anything to her, so her grin just grows, “Skinny dip.”

“Ali you do-”

“I’m not backing down,” I cut off Ash before she says anything else. I’m climbing out of her lap. Everyone is cheering as I shed my shirt, then my shorts, as I walk towards the water. I don’t know where my confidence is coming from (well, besides the alcohol). The rest is maybe my natural competitive spirit, maybe I’m trying to be the person I think I was, or maybe I’m just trying to show Ash that I can handle things on my own. But whatever it is has me struggling to pull clothes back over my soaking wet form.

“You’re all wet,” Ash says as I plop down in her lap.

I lean in close to her ear, “In more ways than one.” When I pull away, Ash is beet red and Pinoe saw the whole exchange.

“What’s wrong Harris? Little ole Kriegy got you all hot and bothered?”

“Shut the fuck up Pinoe!” Ash groans, her face falling to her hands.

I’m proud of making Ash blush but I know it sucks when everyone is focused on you. In the midst of all the teasing giggles, I remove Ash’s hands and replace them with my own, forcing her to look at me. Her cheeks still holds a touch of red and her expression forms a slight pout. It’s the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, but I won’t say anything because it might just embarrass her further. I settle with, “Now you know how I feel around you all the time,” and leaning over to kiss her.

Almost everyone is in a chorus of “Awhs.” Well, except for Pinoe. As soon as Ash and I are done she clears her throat, “Are we gonna get back to the game now?”

“Actually Ali and I are gonna go to bed,” Ash answers as she stands with me in her arms. “Don’t cause any trouble.”

The cat-calls we receive subside and I realize that Ash isn’t walking to her house. She’s walking towards a lifeguard shack. It looks like every other one on any beach. A small wooden box with a few holes cut out of it that sits on top of a deck. “Are we really staying in that thing?” I ask

“Yes!” Ash says, as she sets me down in front of the deck. She tugs at my hand, leading me the rest of the way to the entrance.

“Oh Ash,” I gasp. The inside of the shack holds a full, perfectly made bed bathed in the light of dozens of small electric candles.

“Sorry there aren’t real candles, didn’t want to risk our room for the night burning down.” Ash chuckles.

“It’s perfect,” I smile. I have no other word for how perfect it actually is, so I lean over and kiss her.

It isn’t long before Ash is desperately swiping across my bottom lip. I grant her access, with an accidental moan slipping out in the process. But it only seems to spur Ash on. When we break apart, both of our chests are heaving and our lips are swollen. It doesn’t take long for Ash to recover. Before I know what’s happening, she attaches her lips to my neck. She sucks and nips at my pulse point, leaving me breathless. I know there’s probably going to be a mark but I’m too drunk and worked up to care. Ash then moves back up to my mouth for a bruising kiss. Her hands make their way from my hips to under my butt and she lifts me off the ground and into her arms. I wrap my legs around her middle and move my mouth to work on the spot I skipped over earlier. I feel Ash struggling to concentrate as I leave a matching bruise, but eventually she’s able to gently lay me on the bed.

She stands over me. Her hooded eyes devour me as her chest continues to heave. “You are gorgeous.”

It’s then that everything hits me. I can feel my cheeks turning red and my eyes mist over.

I imagine Ash’s face holds nothing but concern as she rushes to my side. “Baby what’s wrong? Just talk to me.”

“I… I don’t have any fucking clue what to do,” I stutter out through tears. “I just want to be everything you deserve, but I don’t know how. I’m always so fucking scared I’m going to lose you Ash. Be-because I’m not good enough... I just want to be good enough.”

Ash pulls me onto her chest. “Alex, you will never lose me. If at some point in the future you don’t want me around then I’ll understand, but until then I’m yours. You are more than enough. Definitely more than I deserve. If you aren’t ready then I understand. This all moves when you’re ready, until then I’m just happy I get to call you mine.” She leans over to place a soft peck on the crown of my head.

“Thank you.” I mumble, tears subsiding into sleep.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts? Suggestions? Favorite parts?


	15. Chapter 15

I squeeze my eyes tighter as rays of morning sun hit my face. My head is pounding. The rhythmic thumping pulls me back to last night. I cringe at the memory of my drunken disaster and try to bury my face into Ash’s chest, earning a grunt. She wraps her arms tightly around me and pulls me so I'm lying completely on top of her. I feel Ash’s breathing slow and I know she's drifted back to sleep. It's not long after I follow her lead. 

Eventually I do fully wake up, or at least as awake as I can get with a hangover. The coffee and pancakes Ash has brought out to the shack help too. But now the food is gone and neither one of us has muttered more than a good morning to the other. I know we should talk about what almost happened last night, but I don't want to relive that moment. My face heats up at just the thought of it. It's definitely one of the most embarrassing experiences of my life. So I sit against the shack wall with my head resting on Ash’s shoulder, hoping that maybe she won’t mention what happened last night. 

“Alex we have to talk about it…” 

Just my fucking luck. “I know… but that doesn't mean I want to.” 

“Well no one wants to, but we can move past it if we just talk about it.” 

“I don't know what you want me to say,” I sigh. “I got nervous. I know I'm not going to be good at it. Hell I’m still a fucking virgin because I've never wanted to take that step with someone. But last night… I really wanted to take it with you. And that scares the shit out of me because I have no fucking clue what I'm doing and this is all moving so fast.” 

My words just hang in the air for a moment. I'm guessing I caught her off guard with my confession. To be honest, I caught myself a little off guard. 

“I have no fucking clue what I'm doing either.” Ash admits. 

“What do you mean?” I mumble. 

“I mean that even though I seem confident, I'm not. Alex, I went through my own figuring it out phase during middle school. While all the other girls were chasing boys, I was stuck on the girl in my art class. I kept my feelings a secret since no one else seemed to feel the same way. I even tried to date boys, but I just ended up being this awkward mess and ruining relationships. There is nothing I can do about who I am. Even after kinda figuring myself out I never kissed a girl till my the end of freshman year, and since I've never taken it past that point. I understand this is all scary because I'm terrified too.”

A wave of guilty embarrassment washes over me as she talks. All I've been thinking about is myself. I haven't thought once what about Ash could be going though. 

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I'm sorry I've only been focusing on myself. I'm sorry I'm being selfish.” 

“Babe,  that's not what what I was trying to tell you.” She says, moving her arm around my shoulders to draw me further into her. “I'm trying to tell you that it's okay to be scared. It's okay that you don't feel comfortable with taking that step. And that we don't have to take that step until we're both ready.” 

“I know but I still feel bad. You're always so strong for me that I don't even consider your struggles, and that's not okay. I want to there for you just as much as you are for me.” I catch her eyes as I talk, hoping to convey my sincerity.

The softest smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. When she leans in to give me a kiss, l know she understands. 

  
  


So I try to be there for her, but it's not that's easy. But she's like a grounding force. She's always calm and smiling, taking everything that comes her way in stride. It’s not doesn’t come that easily to me. I'm still an anxious mess. I've been able to curb most of my panic attacks but that “impending doom” feeling still lingers. I'm still lonely. I know I have Ash and the team now, but I still feel alone. I still feel the impermanence of it all. 

This is how the next few weeks go. I try to be happy about our winning streak and my part in it all, but all I see are my imperfections. I see the missed opportunities, the poor passes, my lack of communication, and most of all my lack of confidence. I try to focus on getting the next one but I always seem to mess that one up too. All of this is probably why I'm sitting on the bench now, while we play one of our top rivals. 

I asked coach about the sudden change and she said, “Once you get your head, then you'll be starting. Until then keep working.” I understand why she did it, but I didn't think I had been that obvious. I know it's supposed to make me work harder, but in my already low mental state, I only see it as another thing in my life I've fucked up. It only gets worse as the other team nets 3 goals to our 1 and I have to watch the mistakes from the sideline. 

I know Ash is pissed. After the final whistle she nearly throws her gloves to the turf. When she walks over to shake hands her jaw is clenched and she doesn't say a word. She doesn't stop to see me on her way to locker room. She still doesn't talk as we drive off in her jeep and I don't push the matter. I give her the space obviously wants. Until she's ready, I take the time try and prepare myself to be strong. To be that grounding force has has been for me. To be there for her. 

At Ash’s house, I'm welcomed with the smell of mac n’ cheese and the warm embrace of Grandma Harris. This doesn't seem to help Ash as much as either of us would like After a quick and mechanical obligatory hug, she marches upstairs to take a shower. I sigh and slump down onto one of the dining room chairs. A few seconds later a bowl slides in front of me and I muster the energy for a tired smile. 

“You know, Sweetheart, Ashy will be just fine in the morning. She may be cold and mope right now, but that's just how she processes a loss,” Grandma Harris says. 

“I know,” I say. “I just want to make thing better but I don't know how. Ash has helped me with just about everything, and I feel like I haven't done anything in return. Like I haven't been strong for her like she has for me.” 

“Oh honey,” Grandma Harris breathes. “You must not know how much you've actually helped Ashy.” 

“What do you mean?” I ask. 

“I'm sure she hasn't told you because she isn't ready yet but I'll only say that Ash had been going through a very rough few months. Then you came along and it’s like nothing happened. She's so happy now. She has that light back in her eyes and it's all thanks to you.” 

“Really?” I ask in disbelief. 

Grandma Harris smiles. “Most definitely. So just give her the time and she'll come around.” 

I nod and focus on my mac n’ cheese. 

Twenty minutes later, Ash finally emerges. She goes to the kitchen first to get her own mac n’ cheese before joining her me and Grandma at the table. I can tell most of the tension has left her body. Before she starts eating she says, “Alex you can go shower in my bathroom. Use whatever you want. I left some towels in there for you.” 

I nod. I stand and grab my bag to take up stairs. On my way up I lean down and plant a light kiss on Ash’s cheek. “Thank you.” I mumble and I swear I see her dimple for half a second.

Upstairs, I try to release some my own tension. I turn the water on to where it's nearly scaling and let it wash over me. I also try to clear my mind of all the things that have gone bad. I think about the good days. I think about Germany and my friends. I think about how far I've come with soccer. But I mostly think about my time with Ash. I think about our first date and how we danced under the glow of the sunset. I think about our almost daily beach trips. I think about how she helped me unpack. I think about how we cuddled under the stars after the bonfire. I think about how she is willing to give me all the time I need. I think about all the little things: her lopsided grin, her understanding eyes, her hearty laugh, her strong arms, her radiating warmth, and her thoughtful words. I think about how I might love her.   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry i left you guys for so long, soccer and college got in the way. I finally found time o write a chapter, even though it's very short. Unfortunately I have no clue when the next one will come, but thanks for reading. As always... Thoughts? Suggestions? Favorite part?


	16. Chapter 16

After my shower I pull on my athletic shorts and one of Ash’s t-shirts I grabbed beforehand (even though I had brought one of my own). I leave the bathroom for Ash’s room and find her sitting on the edge of her bed scrolling through her phone. She doesn't register my presence so I continue to make my way to the foot of her bed and throw my dirty clothes in my duffel bag. Then I feel a tug on my shirt. 

“Hey.” She whispers, taking me in. 

I move to stand in front of her, mustering a small smile, “Hey.” 

She tugs at my shirt again. “I think this is mine,” she says a little louder. 

“I missed you.” I say. 

Her brow furrows in confusion, “What do you mean?” 

“I mean that I miss you being you. After the game you were angry and cold. I guess I'm just not used to it. I'm used to warm happy Ash, that never seems to be down… I just wanted to feel close to you, so I took it.” 

She pulls me into her lap, wrapping her arms around me and resting her head on my shoulder. “Baby I'm sorry I pus-” 

“No.” I cut her off, moving to look her in the eyes. “Don't be sorry. I get it; today was a tough loss and you were angry. Am I a little upset that you wouldn't talk to me about it? Yes, but I understand we process in different ways. You needed time and that's okay.” 

“Thank you.” She leans over and kisses my temple. 

“Do you want to talk about it now?” I ask hesitantly. 

“Sure,” Ash sighs, “I was most upset because I felt like I let the team down. We had been doing fine until I couldn't read the ball fast enough on the first one. Then it just got worse. I couldn't push the ball over the crossbar and I couldn't stop the breakaway.” 

“Okay first, you are not the only person on that field. The first one was because one of the girls lost their mark, who was able to get a touch on the ball. Then it took an unlucky deflection. There was nothing you could do. The second one you couldn't push the ball over the crossbar because you had just made a fantastic save on a shot that was blasted at you. One of the defenders should have cleared it for you. As for the third one, you did everything you could. You closed down the space and angle, made yourself big, you even got a touch, but there is only so much you can do Ash.”

“I know, I know.” She squeezes me tighter, pressing soft kisses to my neck. “I just got a little down on myself, but I'm feeling better now… My dad always used to say you gotta have a short memory.” 

“Do you wanna talk about that to?” The words fall out of my mouth and I can feel her whole body tense. When she doesn't relax I know I've made a mistake. 

“Can we just go lay down?” 

She's standing before I can even answer. She wordlessly moves under the covers. All I can do is make my way to the other side of the bed. It doesn't make things any better that she's laying with her back to me. I feel tears in my eyes and I blink hard to keep them back. I know I shouldn't be crying. But after completely opening up to her, I thought I was finally getting somewhere. And then she had just... shut down.

After an hour and a few stray tears, I realize I'm not sleeping tonight. My mind is buzzing and the bed feels suffocating. I can feel my chest tighten and my breath quicken. I have to get out. I make my way to the bathroom to the bathroom. Everything around me is starting to spin. I crumple to the floor as the walls start to close in on me. All I can do is squeeze my eyes shut and hope it passes. Only it doesn't pass. It could have been ten minutes or it could have been 2 hours. Every time I think it's over it just starts back up again. It's like I'm being thrown back into the ocean and I can't seem to find more than a glimpse of the surface. I can't move, I can't breathe, and I can barely think or hear. 

I don't register the bathroom door opening, but I do register two strong arms lifting from the floor. I know it's Ash, and just that loosens my tense muscles. It also helps that radiates a comforting heat and I can hear her strong heartbeat. When she lays me down in the bed I immediately tense up again. But a few seconds later I feel the bed dip next to me. I'm being pulled on top of her and wrapped up in her arms. I burrow into her chest and cling to her shirt like my life depends on it, and eventually her heart soothes me to sleep. 

  
  


The next morning I wake up in almost the exact same fashion as I did after our team bonfire. I groan and burrow into her chest, only this time I don't have to think hard about what happened last night. I know what happened, and I'm embarrassed again, but I'm also thankful for Ash.

I feel her arms tighten around my body and feel what I can only assume is a mumbled “morning” on the top of my head followed by a light kiss. 

“Morning,” I whisper back. 

“Princess I love laying like this with you, but I have to potty,” she says louder, her voice still low and raspy. 

I giggle at her word choice as I move off of her. She quickly rolls out of bed and staggers to the bathroom. Eventually she makes her way back to the bed, still trying to rub sleep from her eyes. She lays down on her side facing me and her hand finds its way to the small of my back. Her hand peaks just under the hem of my shirt and she traces mindless patterns. 

“What happened last night babe?” She whispers, concern evident on her face. 

“It was nothing.” I say, burying my face in a pillow.

“Alex, that wasn't nothing. I found you curled up on my bathroom floor. Obviously something is wrong… I just want to help you.” 

“But why won't you let me help you?” I counter.

“Because this isn't about me right now.” She frowns. 

I don’t fight her on this. I know it was probably scary to find me the way she did. I also know right now may not be the best time to push her away.

“I had a panic attack.” I explain. “They actually happen more often than you know. They started after I found out we were moving to Germany. I had my first one before we got on our flight. I couldn't stop thinking about how I wouldn't have anyone there and all the ways the plane could go down, until my brother was able to calm me down. I had another bad one when I got stuck in a elevator. Then there were a few more during our first year in Germany over nothing, but they tapered off after I found my friends. Then I found out we were moving again and had a bad one. I couldn't breathe, my head felt like it was going to explode, my body wouldn't move, my vision was blurry, and eventually I passed out. The next one I had was after my dad saw us kiss, that one felt like I was drowning. I was on the verge of one when we were telling the girls at lunch we were together, but you calmed me down and since then I've only had a few when I'm not with you. Last night I felt helpless. It was like I was right next to you but every time I tried to get closer you'd move miles away. It felt like I was losing you…” 

“Babe…” Ash breathes, pulling me in and allowing me to burrow into her chest. “You are not losing me. I'm sorry for pushing you away and making you feel that way, but what you wanted to talk about is still a very sore topic. It hurts just thinking about it. I know you want to help, but I don't think I'm ready to open up those wounds again. I never want to make you feel what you did last night again, but I'm asking for time.” 

I nod against her chest and mumble, “I'm sorry for pushing the topic.” 

I feel her chuckle, “I'm sorry mumbles but what was that?” 

I pull my head away from her chest and look up to her. “I said,” I sass back. “I'm sorry for pushing the topic.” 

She laughs again and presses a kiss to my lips. It deepens quickly but before anything else happens Ash pulls away breathless. “I think we should go downstairs before this gets out of hand,” she pants. 

Down stairs Grams greets us with a warm smile and with fresh pancakes. The stack is demolished in less than 20 minutes, which was just enough time for Grams ready herself and leave the house. While we cleaned up after breakfast, Grams told us she was going to run some errands and see old friends so she would be back later in the afternoon. After the dishes are done, Ash talks me into agreeing to a beach day today (because, you know, relaxing) . I convince Ash to call up the other soccer girls because I know they will only brighten her mood. This is how, about an hour and a half later, Pinoe and Kelley end up buried under the sand with only their heads and arms popping out. 

“Time!” HAO calls out. 

Me, Ash, and Moe step away from our masterpiece: a very sandy Pinoe equipped with a mermaid tail and outrageously out of proportion sand boobs topped with seashells. Syd, Alex, and Tobin step away from Kelley who is in a very similar state. But instead of sand boobs and she has a seaweed crown and a sea shell belt around her waist. At the moment no one can keep a straight face looking at the two mermaids. Kelley almost ruins her teams work when her curiosity compelled her to move, but Alex was able to satisfy her restless body by showing her pictures she just snapped of the two mermaids. 

HAO (being appointed judge) walks around the two girls slowly. She pretends to scrutinize every detail, even making noises in the same way people look at real art. After about 5 minutes of inspecting, Pinoe is becoming restless. “HAO JUST DECIDE A WINNER ALREADY!” She yells out of frustration.

HAO smirks knowing that both of the mermaid models can't stay still for very long. “Well because of my extensive knowledge in sand art, I declare that… Pinoe! Is the better mermaid.” 

“Thank fuckin God! Now help me get up!” Pinot exclaims, while our team breaks out into celebratory cheers. 

“Yes! Free me from this sand prison!” Kelley squeals. “I have sand where sand should never go!”

“Okay Kells that's way too much information.” Tobin chuckles grabbing one of the freckled girl’s arms while Alex grabs the other and they pull her out. Ash and Moe do the same for Pinoe. 

“I don't know about the rest of ya, but it's time for this chick to hit the water.” Pinoe says. 

Everyone agrees, especially Kelley who needs to get the sand out of her everywhere. We all stand around and enjoy the water for a while. That is, until I see Pinoe and Kelley look at each other with the same devilish smirk. 

“SPLASH WAR!” They shout in unison.

At those words I bolt. Everyone else  is kicking up water as fast as they can while I try to move as far away from the other girls as possible. But Ash’s hand around my wrist promptly thwarts my escape. I see her looking at me with a mischievous glint in her eyes and I know what she's thinking. “Ash do-”

I don't finish my sentence before Ash pulls me by my arm into her body. She laughing and picks me up bridal style. The whole time I'm yelling, “Babe put me down!” 

All I hear is, “As the Princess wishes.” Then I'm thrown into the air and come crashing down into the water. I reemerge with my hair now a rats nest and way more wet than I wanted. I see Ash a few feet away bent over in laughter the sight warms my heart. 

“Babe I think you got a little wet.” Ash smirks. 

“Really I couldn't tell.” I sass back, crossing my arms over my chest. 

“Babe.” Ash closes the space between us, putting her hands on my hips. “I was just playing.” 

“Maybe I didn't want to play your stupid game,” I roll my eyes. I try to move from her grasp but she holds me steady. 

“Babe please don't be like that, I thought we were having fun. I'm sorry.” Ash says. She then moves her hand to my cheek in an effort to bring our lips together. 

I stop short. I whisper, “You should be sorry.” Then I push at her shoulder while simultaneously hooking my foot around the back of her ankle. A grin is plastered on my face as she goes tumbling backwards into the water. Ash reemerges a few seconds later with a dimpled smile, knowing she's been beat at her own game. The rest of the girls are laughing their asses off. 

When the sky turns deep orange and all the other girls have left, Ash convinces me to take a walk down the beach. We end up walking hand in hand until the sky is dark. We stop in front of the obviously new condos down the road from Ash’s house. We stand there a few minutes in silence, looking out and listening to the waves against the sand as the tide rolls in. 

“Odds are babe?” Ash breaks the scene. 

“Odds are for what?” I ask. 

She smirks at me. “Odds are you'll hop that fence up there,” she points towards the condos, “and take a swim in their pool?” 

“I am  _ not _ doing that,” I scoff.

“If you're so confident then set your odds.” Ash challenges. 

“Fine 1 to 10.” 

Ash is unfazed, in fact she seems more confident. “Ready, 3… 2… 1!” 

“8!” We yell simultaneously. 

“Dammit!” I cursed which makes Ash burst into laughter. “Odds are you'll do it with me?” 

“1 to 5.” Ash grins. 

“Okay, 3… 2… 1!”

We both shout, “2!” 

“Fuck!” Ash curses and now it's my turn to laugh. 

  
  


Getting over the fence without being seen isn't that hard. The fence is low and the pool itself is not well lit. The swimming is fun and flirty until a security guard came out of one of the buildings, shining a flashlight into the pool. Which is why Ash and I are scrambling over the fence, failing to stifle our giggles and carelessly stomping across the wood deck that leads back to the beach. Luckily the guard is really lazy or really doesn't see anything. We make it back down the beach to our towels without any major injuries. Both of us are breathless and laughing. Eventually we both settle down and lay there staring at the sky. 

Ash is the first to break the silence again. It happens when she pulls me into her side and let's out a deep sigh. “I'm going to tell you everything, but I need you to promise something.” 

“Anything baby.” I burrow my head into the crook of her neck and press a soft kiss to the bottom of her jaw. 

Ash sighs again and pulls my body tighter into hers. “When I was really little life was good. We struggled sometimes because of money but always managed to figure it out. We were happy, I was happy. That was until my dad got laid off when I was in 4th grade. He was my hero, my rock, and my motivation. But he fell off after that happened…”

I hear her voice shaking. I seek out her hand with the arm I threw across her waist and intertwine our fingers, hoping that it helps. 

“There was so much fucking alcohol for so many years. Bottles and cans everywhere. We wouldn't eat because he'd blow all of our money on booze. He got so violent too. He would throw things and even hit my brother when he was protecting me or my mom. Through all this my mom was falling apart too. She got ahold of painkillers and became addicted. I would have never known if I hadn't come home from school one day and found her body after she overdosed. I was so scared and I didn't know how to fucking save her.”

Ash is sobbing now. I can feel her chest heave and shake with every breath. I can also feel tears peak in my own eyes, feeling how much pain Ash has been through. All I can do is hold her tighter and wait until she's ready to keep talking.

“You would think that after he lost his wife, my dad would straighten his shit out. But no. He drank himself further into oblivion. The only saving grace was my grandmother. She got me and my brother out of there by the time I finished 7th grade. Everything was looking up, but then again I was in middle school. Everyone was awkward and going through puberty. I was confused with not being attracted to boys. I was embarrassed by my family. I was upset my brother was never home, doing god knows what. I was frustrated that my parents weren't like everyone else's parents…” 

“I became really self-destructive during the summer before high school. I was in so much pain all the time that I didn't want to feel anything anymore. I'm not proud but I fell into the same path as my father. I drank all the time. I fell into the wrong crowd of people. We would steal to fuel our addiction and I was usually the one who would take the fall whenever we got caught. This continued the whole summer and Grams was too sick to do anything about it, so things just kept escalating. I ended up in the hospital a week before soccer tryouts and was treated for alcohol poisoning.”

“I remember waking up with Coach next to my bed. She told me she'd been scouting me for the high school team since the beginning of middle school. Apparently college coaches had been impressed at my tournaments and talked to her about getting me on the high school team because of my potential. Then she told me I was wasting what I had, that I could be so much more than a teenage drunk. She told me I better be at tryouts and I better be sober.” 

“I thought about it up until the day before tryouts. I was sober enough to realize that this could be my only way out. It was probably the only way I could even think about going to college. It would be the only way to make me a better person. And I did all of that. Now I have good friends, I have opportunities, I've become a person worthy of someone like you.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah life's been rough.

**Author's Note:**

> On tumblr too @usgalsnt


End file.
